Friday, March 30, 2012

Playgroups Are A Lifesaver!

As my DS got older, I was a little reluctant to find and join a playgroup. 99.9% of them are made up of moms. There are a few dads groups out there, but they're very rare. I thought that being a dad in a moms-only group would make me uncomfortable and I wouldn't fit in.

Surprisingly I did find a dads group. When I started going, I immediately saw a big problem: My son was way too young for the group. So while the dads were on the playground playing with their kids, I sat on the bench holding my son while feeding him a bottle.

I gave up after about 3 meetings. I was getting nothing out of it. Then, as around the 8-9 month mark, I found a group through a referral. Yes, it's all moms, but they really made me feel comfortable. I always look forward to our meetings. It's a good chance for my son to interact with other kids his age (all our kids are around the same age). And I get to have adult conversation. In other words, this group is awesome.

I'm not the only dad who has benefited from playgroups. Others have found groups, mostly made up of moms, who have found them to be a great way to have fun and get out of the house. I saw this blog post about a dad who found his group. He makes a great observation:

Being the only man there sets me apart, there is no denying it. But the fact that we are all new parents navigating in unfamiliar waters renders that difference insignificant when compared to our commonalities.
Raising kids gives parents a much better bond with each other than being with all moms or all dads. If that makes sense.

If you can find a playgroup that you can join...go for it. Don't worry if it's made up of all moms. It really is insignificant. Just being a parent is enough to fit in.




Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Avoid These Mistakes When Naming Your Baby

One of the hardest parts about having a child is naming him/her. You're essentially establishing part of your child's identity for life. It's no wonder there are hundreds of baby naming books out there and even more website dedicated to names.

In fact, there are so many baby naming resources, it actually makes the decision harder, not easier. This article from Yahoo! explains:

The problem with this name explosion is that psychologists don't necessarily find that having more choices is better. To explain this phenomenon, Swarthmore College researcher Barry Schwartz coined the term "the paradox of choice." Schwartz's research suggests that the more choices we have, the more stressful those choices become. And even if we make a perfectly serviceable choice, we're more hampered by regret.

Everyone always hears those funny names people use to sign up for online forums with, or used to have someone paged at the mall. These names include "Hugh Jass", "Al Kayda", "April Shours" and then there's the classic "Ben Dover." I could probably write a pretty long post filled with silly names people come up with to show the world how witty they are.

My point is that naming your baby needs to be taken seriously. You should also think about potential consequences of the name you pick. Remember, you're child will be going to school, and kids can be cruel.

If you name your daughter "Mona Lots," she's probably going to be called a porn star and slut for most of her life. If you name your son "Harry Bawls," he's going to get his ass kicked a lot in school, and possibly the workplace. I should note that some poor soul really was named Harry Baals. What his parents were thinking, we'll never know.

So what if you name your baby, he/she is born and a few months later you don't like the name? Chances are you can have it changed. A 4-month old baby doesn't have an established identity yet, so you're probably okay. I'm just not sure how hard it is to legally change your child's name. And if you do it more than once, you might have the state child services visit you to see if you're a fit parent.

What it comes down to, however, is picking a name that you like. Babies generally grow into their names. You might also have family considerations, like naming your baby after a grandparent, father, mother, etc.

One tip: Keep you baby's name secret until he/she is born. Why? Because if you start telling people the name you picked out, they will invariably tell you that someone's mean pit bull dog has that name, or some jackass they dated in high school had that name. If you wait until the baby is born to announce the name, people will be a lot more respectful.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Temper Tantrums And The Terrible Twos

My DS has finally entered the dreaded "terrible twos." Even though he's not even two yet, I've read that this toddler milestone can happen anytime from about 18-months on.

This means he's been throwing temper tantrums on a daily basis. It's always over something little, like something he can't have, or not wanting to leave the library (this happened to me today).

The tantrums rarely exceed 10-15 minutes and are mostly fussing and crying. A lot of times he'll walk around trying to cry, but giving a horrible performance. Other times it'll be raining tears, and you'll think the world is coming to an end.

How do I handle these tantrums? I ignore him. I should qualify that by saying if he's crying because he wants his water, I'll give him his water. Or, if he's hurt/sick I'll tend to him as needed. His safety will always come first.

But if it's because he can't have that snack before dinner (for example), I'll sit on the couch and tell him I don't play with fussy babies. Then I'll keep on reading, watching TV or whatever I happen to be doing at the time. His tantrum will run its course and he'll get distracted by something else.

When he stops fussing/crying I'll go back to playing with him.

We've found that doing nothing is the best way to handle his little break downs. If we give in even once and give him what he wants, then he'll associate throwing tantrums with getting his way. It sets a bad precedent.

I know it's hard to sit and do nothing while your little one is crying (and sometimes screaming) because they're not getting their way. But parents have to be patient and know that nothing lasts forever.