Every parent goes through this. It's like a rite of passage. When your child is acting up and throwing temper tantrums and you can't even sit down without your child screaming. Yes, it happens to all of us. That's how we earn our parenting stripes.
So how do we deal with those days without resorting to arson? There has to be healthy coping tools, right? Yes, there are. I'm going to share a few I have found effective when it's "just one of those days."
1. Remember The Positives
I don't want to get all philosophical here, but a little dose might be good for you. When my son is acting out, throwing temper tantrums and behaving worse than usual, I have to put things in perspective. Usually all it takes is to look at my son, closely, and it reminds me what a cute little baby he was, and what a cute toddler he is.-->
Remembering your child and how much you love him/her will bring you back down to earth. It's like pushing the reset button on your brain. It also reminds you of the bigger picture, that those moments of torment from your little one are only temporary. Nothing lasts forever.
This doesn't work in all situations. Sometimes you're so stressed out you want to lock your kid in a closet, curl up in the corner and shake. But you don't, because you know, the whole child protective services thing. And this brings me to my next tip...
2. Remove Yourself From The Situation
If you have a toddler that's not a total terror and can be left alone for a few minutes, then go somewhere else. This can be the bathroom, a bedroom, the basement, the room with your medieval sword collection. It doesn't matter. All that matters is you have a door to close so you can have a few minutes of quiet time.A few minutes might not sound like a lot, but it can do wonders for you. When you're alone, take deep breaths, read a page or two of that book gathering dust on your nightstand. Do a few pushups (any kind of exercise is a great stress reliever). Splash cold water on your face. Almost anything will do, as long as you're removing yourself from the situation, and doing it safely.
My only disclaimer here is that every toddler is different. If you cannot leave your toddler alone safely for a few minutes, then don't do it. I'm lucky enough where this is an option for me.
3. Have Something To Look Forward To
This is a pretty broad one. When I say to have something to look forward to, I mean something the same day. For me, it can be going swimming at night. Sometimes it's just looking forward to when my DS goes to bed.Aside from having something to be excited about, this also reinforces in your brain that nothing lasts forever. Things will get better. Your child will start behaving again. That hair you pulled out will grow back.
I know this is easier said than done. Trust me on that. Here's the thing, if you keep reminding yourself of this, it'll eventually work itself into your brain and you'll find yourself getting less stressed out when your little one is being a nightmare because you know that it'll end and you know there's something better on the horizon.
Hopefully one of these three tips can help you out. Raising kids full-time ain't easy. And if anyone ever says it is, give them a strong spin-kick to the face with your steal-toed boots.
When children throw tantrums they are looking for boundries. Tantrums happen if they don't get their way, the child is tired and can't get his or her feelings in check or they want direction. If a child throws a tantrum because they can't get what they want it is an opportunity to take parental control. Get down to the child's eye level and hold their hands. Lovingly tell them that this is not acceptable behavior. They have a choice, they can have a time out or have the snack offered. They may laugh in your face when you do this but it takes persistent repetitions and having a very serious voice, not yelling or harsh or vindictive, to get across the point you mean business. Counting to 10, taking a deep breath to get yourself under control helps you not be mean or vindictive. As a former educator a classroom without boundries is a lose canon. Same with your child. The trick is not to discipline out of anger but to discipline with love and control. Walking away from a child who is throwing a tantrum in a store because they aren't going to get the toy they want may work. However, getting eye to eye with them and quietly telling them that their behavior is not acceptable and then leaving the store shows that you are in control of the situation. Sometimes we even need to help our little toddlers take breaths so they can get themselves back in control. Stand firm and your child will grow up to respect and honor your boundries. Tough job. Too bad parenting doesn't come with a manual!
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