5 Ways To Make The Terrible Twos Easier

My son is in the thick of the terrible twos. He can be my sweet little boy one minute, and on the ground throwing the world's greatest tantrum in the middle of the grocery store the next. He can be stubborn. "No" is his new favorite word. Sometimes he'll want something, and when I go to give it to him, he'll insist on wanting something else.

I'm pulling my hair out!

But a lot of the horrors of the terrible twos can be mitigated with a few easy methods I've learned over the last six months.

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1. Keep your toddler busy. Boredom causes toddlers to act out because they want interaction and stimulation. When I let my son run around outside and play on our newly built playground (more about that in a future post), he's usually well behaved. He'll still get himself into trouble, but I can usually regain my sanity while he's outside.

2. Know your toddler's triggers. I know if my son sees a pack of gum laying around, he'll want it. If he doesn't get it, then I get to deal with a temper tantrum. My solution is to keep the gum hidden. The "out of sight, out of mind" rule applies perfectly for the terrible twos.

I know not all triggers will be some object laying around your child wants. Sometimes it's situational. My point remains the same, though. Once you know his/her triggers, you can take steps to minimize them.

3. Quiet time. He stopped napping shortly after the New Year. It was my worst nightmare come true. But now we have something called quiet time where we both sit on the couch with his favorite tv show on. Generally it lasts about an hour, sometimes more, depending on my mood.

These quiet times give him a chance to decompress a little and relax. It also gives me time to relax as well. Many parents I know have a "quiet time" policy with their child who won't nap.

4. Snacks. Believe it or not having access to healthy snacks throughout the day can make a big difference in how he behaves. It's pretty simple: When he's not hungry, he's generally pretty happy.

Remember the times when you get hungry? You start to feel agitated. The blood sugar drop might make you feel a little sick. All this makes it real easy for you to get into a bad mood. Toddlers are no different.

I'm not suggesting you stuff their faces all day. Just make sure they can have some snacks between meals. I give my son everything from baby carrots, to grabes, cut up strawberries and maybe even some candy if he's been extra good. Variety is the key.

5. Sleep. I know you don't have complete control over this. Some toddlers aren't good sleepers. Sometimes you child gets sick or for one reason or another, doesn't get a good night sleep. There are tons of books out there on getting babies/toddlers to sleep more, so I'm not going to dive into that subject here.a

A tired toddler is a cranky toddler. Making sure he/she is getting enough rest is crucial to lessening the effects of the dreaded terrible twos.

The above suggestions are by no means the cure-all for the terrible twos and won't deflect all temper tantrums. But I've found they do help my son stay happy throughout the day. And when he's happy, I'm happy.

Don't Hold A Grudge Against Your Toddler

One of the hardest parts of parenting is when your child acts up and does something bad. It puts you on the spot to get your kid under control and can lead to a full blown temper tantrum.

When my son does something bad like pull on the curtains (he's pulled a few down!) or try to hit mommy or I during a tantrum, it's easy to lose our temper. While we both seem pretty good at keeping ourselves under control during these situations. The hardes part, though, is not holding a grudge.

In other words, I don't stay mad at him in the afternoon for something he did in the morning. It's not fair to him and it's just that much more stress for me. I'm not even sure if a 2-year old can remember why they were in trouble to begin with after several hours.




How long should we stay mad at our kids? It really depends on the situation and what the child did. In most cases, I don't think staying mad does any good for an extended period of time does any good (for the reasons cited above).

My rule is that if he stops, settles down, listens to me and starts being good, I'll forget about the incident and resume play or whatever. And I try to make a little lesson out of it by telling him that when he's good, we can have fun. It also helps to let him know that when he cooperates, it's much easier on both of us.

For example, he's gotten into the habit of throwing tantrums when I'm changing his diaper. He wiggles and tries to stand up. He cries. He does everything in his power not to get his diaper changed. To try to avoid this, I tell him that the sooner we change his diaper, the sooner we can go do (fill-in-the-blank). It's starting to work.

Not holding a grudge is hard to do, especially when it's been a stressful day or your tired or your child has really been acting up. I'll be the first to admit I've stayed mad at my son longer than I should have. It's easy to do.

If you feel yourself holding a grudge against your toddler, try to remember something cute they've done in the past, or back to when they were helpless little babies. Remembering stuff like that tends to put you child back into perspective, making it easier to be forgiving and move on.

One Overlooked Cause Of Temper Tantrums

A lot of parenting is trial and error. I learn the most, not by reading books, but by figuring out what works and what doesn't with my little DS.

The one issue every parent of a toddler can identify with is temper tantrums. They're those awful few minutes where you child acts as if the world is coming to an end. Parents really earn their stripes by dealing with tantrums on a daily basis.

The Cause Of The Tantrum

Most of the time, this can be easy to figure out. With my own son, it's when he can't have something he wants or we take something away from him. He'll even throw tantrums when we're about to leave somewhere he wants to stay (like coming inside after playing outside).

Sometimes, however, there are tantrums with no identifiable cause. They just come out of nowhere. These are the toughest to deal with because they are the most frustrating for a parent.

I've figured out one reason for these tantrums-out-of-nowhere:

Boredom!

Toddlers are people too and they get bored, just like the rest of us. When we get bored we get fidgety and restless. We'll seek out something to end our boredom like watching television or surfing the internet (for example).

A toddler can't communicate what he or she wants very easily. So they get frustrated, which leads to a temper tantrum.

When my son is throwing a tantrum and there is no obvious reason why, I get on the floor and start playing with some of his toys. 9 times out 10 it's enough to stop his crying and he'll come over to play with me. He was just bored.

The next time your toddler is throwing a temper tantrum try playing with him or her. It's a simple, but very effective way of calming them down while keeping your own sanity.

What Causes Most Temper Tantrums (And How I deal With Them)?

99% of my son's temper tantrums are caused by things he can't have, or things that we take away from him. Take yesterday for example: I had to go somewhere and I had my water bottle (he LOVES my water bottle) because it was pretty freakin' hot outside. When he realized I wouldn't give him my bottle he completely broke down into a full-blown classic temper tantrum, right in the driveway.

I left before he quieted down. My wife was with him. I've dealt with plenty of tantrums to know the best way to deal with them is to not give in. In other words, ignore it.

"Give me your iPad or someone is getting hurt!"

Toddlers are trying to get a reaction that will eventually lead to getting what they want. If we give in, then they'll learn that "Hey, this crying and screaming and rolling around on the ground thing gets me anything I want. Cool!".

Sometimes it takes a lot of guesswork on my part to figure out what he wants. Since he's not talking yet, he relies on vague hand signals. If he reaches up to the kitchen counter, and there's a million things on the counter, I could spend hours trying to figure out what he wants. I'll offer him his water bottle (the one thing I'll never take away). And if nothing works, I scoot him out of the kitchen and shut the children's gate.

Usually my strategy is to keep him out of the kitchen in the first place. There's too many dangerous things in there. He tries to turn the stove on. He opens drawers were knives are kept. He's a tall toddler so a lot of things are within his reach.

Slowly I'm learning what objects he wants and will cause him to break down if he doesn't get them. I keep those things out of sight. In parenting, prevention really is the best method.

How do you deal with your toddler's temper tantrums? And what causes the most tantrums?

Photo Credit: Mindaugas Danys Used under the Creative Commons license. 

How Do You Punish A Toddler That Can't Be Punished?

I don't expect that my toddler son will be a perfect angel all the time. He has his moments where he just won't behave. It's frustrating, but it's part of being a parent.

However, this begs the question: How do you discipline a toddler?

My DS doesn't understand that he's being punished. He doesn't make the connection between what he did wrong and how we (my wife and I) react to it. For example, if we give him a time out, he'll just sit there and laugh and move around, thinking it's a game.

Today when he and I were playing outside he kept running into the street, which is a huge no-no. I gave him 3 chances, and then we'd go inside. He used up those 3 chances pretty fast and we went inside. Yet it didn't bother him in the least.

The only punishment that has any effect on him is taking things away. He likes cups of ice. He'll chew on the ice, suck on it and play around with it. No big deal. But he also likes to dump the ice out on the floor, which is also a no-no. I give him a chance not to do it anymore and let him keep his ice. Then he does it again and I take it away. He then goes quickly into full temper tantrum mode.

However, most the stuff he does cannot be taken away. So how do you punish a toddler that doesn't respond to punishment.

I don't know. If someone figures it out, please tell me.

But I do know that it's important to be consistant. Hopefully as he gets older he'll begin to make the connection between being bad and being punished.

Temper Tantrums And The Terrible Twos

My DS has finally entered the dreaded "terrible twos." Even though he's not even two yet, I've read that this toddler milestone can happen anytime from about 18-months on.

This means he's been throwing temper tantrums on a daily basis. It's always over something little, like something he can't have, or not wanting to leave the library (this happened to me today).

The tantrums rarely exceed 10-15 minutes and are mostly fussing and crying. A lot of times he'll walk around trying to cry, but giving a horrible performance. Other times it'll be raining tears, and you'll think the world is coming to an end.

How do I handle these tantrums? I ignore him. I should qualify that by saying if he's crying because he wants his water, I'll give him his water. Or, if he's hurt/sick I'll tend to him as needed. His safety will always come first.

But if it's because he can't have that snack before dinner (for example), I'll sit on the couch and tell him I don't play with fussy babies. Then I'll keep on reading, watching TV or whatever I happen to be doing at the time. His tantrum will run its course and he'll get distracted by something else.

When he stops fussing/crying I'll go back to playing with him.

We've found that doing nothing is the best way to handle his little break downs. If we give in even once and give him what he wants, then he'll associate throwing tantrums with getting his way. It sets a bad precedent.

I know it's hard to sit and do nothing while your little one is crying (and sometimes screaming) because they're not getting their way. But parents have to be patient and know that nothing lasts forever.