As a new parent, you're always learning something. Every day I learn something new about my son. Some of it is profound, things you'd never think of.
Other times I want to slap myself on the face because it's so obvious. This is one of those times.
We spent a lot of time over the weekend in the car running here and there.
So DS ended up logging a lot of hours in his car seat. And I learned he gets really crabby if he's just sitting there for too long. Duh! When he was crying and fussing, I couldn't figure out why. Then we let him crawl and play in our house and he went back to his happy, usual self. He also slept good after running around for a while.
Imagine that. Babies need exercise too.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
7 Lessons I've Learned After Being A Dad For One Year
Now that my son is about a year old, I've been reflecting about the last year and all that I've learned. Some of it came by simple trial and error. There was other stuff that I learned over time.
The first year of a baby's life is hectic. It's a constant struggle against a growing, demanding baby vs. keeping your sanity. But it can be done. You can do it.
Here are a few lessons I've learned over the last year that I want to pass on to all of you new, full-time dads out there. I hope these help:
1. You will grieve the loss of your old life/freedom that you enjoyed before having a baby. This is a very personal issue. Some people get over it within months. Others struggle with it for a long time. Me? After a year I still struggle with this. However, it is getting better.
2. Don't blame your baby on the frustrations of being a new dad. There's a huge learning curve. It's not the baby's fault. They just do what all babies do. Remember that nothing lasts forever. As frustrated and stressed out as you might become, do not take it out on your baby. That is the worse thing you can do and will only cause further, more serious problems down the road.
3. You must be able to put the stuff you want to do (both short and long term) on hold to care for your baby. This could mean putting off eating dinner until after baby goes to bed. Or even slowing down on some of the hobbies you enjoyed before baby was born. This comes with the territory.
4. Sleep becomes a scarce commodity. This is especially true for the first few months when your baby will be waking up for all those nightly feedings. Their schedules are erratic. Try to sleep whenever you can. If your baby takes a nap during the day, take a nap at the same time. Those dishes in the sink can wait.
5. Take care of yourself! This is probably the most important part about being a full-time dad I've learned over the past year. You can throw yourself into taking care of your baby and put in some long hours.
But you MUST care for yourself as well. This means eating properly, getting some exercise and doing things for you. Get a babysitter or have your partner take care of the baby for a few hours while you go swimming (this is my stress reliever) or to the gun range.
6. Don't be afraid to ask for advice from other parents. Most are more than willing to give you advice and/or encouragement. I've always liked talking to moms with kids who are a little older than my own son, so I can know what I need to prepare for and how to deal with any current issues.
7. Offer advice and/or encouragement to other new parents, especially after your own baby grows and you gain experience and confidence. Just saying the words, "It gets better" can be a big morale booster for a lot of people. It was for me.
There are a lot more lessons I've learned over the last year, however, these are the ones I feel are the most important.
I have no idea what to expect for my son's second year. But I do know that after getting through the "baby phase" I have the confidence I can the second year will be a little less stressful.
The first year of a baby's life is hectic. It's a constant struggle against a growing, demanding baby vs. keeping your sanity. But it can be done. You can do it.
Here are a few lessons I've learned over the last year that I want to pass on to all of you new, full-time dads out there. I hope these help:
1. You will grieve the loss of your old life/freedom that you enjoyed before having a baby. This is a very personal issue. Some people get over it within months. Others struggle with it for a long time. Me? After a year I still struggle with this. However, it is getting better.
2. Don't blame your baby on the frustrations of being a new dad. There's a huge learning curve. It's not the baby's fault. They just do what all babies do. Remember that nothing lasts forever. As frustrated and stressed out as you might become, do not take it out on your baby. That is the worse thing you can do and will only cause further, more serious problems down the road.
3. You must be able to put the stuff you want to do (both short and long term) on hold to care for your baby. This could mean putting off eating dinner until after baby goes to bed. Or even slowing down on some of the hobbies you enjoyed before baby was born. This comes with the territory.
4. Sleep becomes a scarce commodity. This is especially true for the first few months when your baby will be waking up for all those nightly feedings. Their schedules are erratic. Try to sleep whenever you can. If your baby takes a nap during the day, take a nap at the same time. Those dishes in the sink can wait.
5. Take care of yourself! This is probably the most important part about being a full-time dad I've learned over the past year. You can throw yourself into taking care of your baby and put in some long hours.
But you MUST care for yourself as well. This means eating properly, getting some exercise and doing things for you. Get a babysitter or have your partner take care of the baby for a few hours while you go swimming (this is my stress reliever) or to the gun range.
6. Don't be afraid to ask for advice from other parents. Most are more than willing to give you advice and/or encouragement. I've always liked talking to moms with kids who are a little older than my own son, so I can know what I need to prepare for and how to deal with any current issues.
7. Offer advice and/or encouragement to other new parents, especially after your own baby grows and you gain experience and confidence. Just saying the words, "It gets better" can be a big morale booster for a lot of people. It was for me.
There are a lot more lessons I've learned over the last year, however, these are the ones I feel are the most important.
I have no idea what to expect for my son's second year. But I do know that after getting through the "baby phase" I have the confidence I can the second year will be a little less stressful.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Getting Stuff Done While Caring For Your Baby
If you're a full-time dad, the first year taking care of your baby can be frazzling. There are feedings, diaper changes, nap times, more feedings, more diaper changes and the non-stop task of keeping your baby from crying all day.
But you still have other stuff to do. How are you going to get it done when babies demand so much attention? I've acquired a few tips and tricks for this in my own experience in Mason's first year. Note that every baby is different with different needs, so not all these tips will work for everyone.
1. Use naps to your advantage
If your baby takes naps during the day, you have the perfect opportunity to get stuff done. You can take a nap yourself (like I did), get housework done, or enjoy the free time to spend on your hobbies or other interests.
The main thing to remember about naps, is that as a baby grows and matures, his/her napping habits will also change. So be flexible, as these changes can happen suddenly.
2. Play time
This is for younger babies who are not yet mobile. In other words, this works best for babies that play a little on their back (maybe even sitting up) and that's about it. Susan and I called DS during this phase a "sack of potatoes" because they are still pretty helpless.
You can play with your baby and still do minor tasks. For example, I'd play with DS on the floor and prop my computer up on the coffee table. As I played with him I'd also write blog posts for my flagship blog Brad's Reader. Sometimes I'd only write one sentence at a time. At other times, when DS began to entertain himself a little more I'd be able to write an entire blog post rather quickly.
I'm not suggesting you completely ignore your little one during play time to get other stuff done. Far from it. Your baby should always be your first priority. But let's be realistic, there's only so much baby-talk and toy rattling you can do in a day before going insane.
Try to find simple stuff you can do while playing with your baby.
3. Meal time
Once your baby is older and is starting to eat solid foods while sitting in a highchair is a great opportunity to get stuff done.
When I'm feeding DS, I will sometimes use that as an opportunity clean up the kitchen or vacuum the area around him. My one caveat to this, however, is to always stay within view of him (so I can see him and he can see me). You never know if/when they might choke on a finger food. The only exception I make is when I have to go to the bathroom really fast.
The other stuff I do is check email, work on blogs and try to stay out of the firing range of DS's habit of throwing his food everywhere. But I also spend a good chunk of time giving him my full attention by talking to him while I shovel processed green beans into his mouth.
4. Before Baby Wakes/After Baby Goes to Bed at Night
Perhaps this is your greatest opportunity for you to do the stuff you want to do. I can count on a few hours to myself after DS goes to bed at night. These long chunks of time are a luxury to any parent. But for a full-time parent (dad or mom), having a few hours to yourself is nothing less than heaven.
The big question here is: Would you rather have your free time early in the morning, before baby wakes up? Or would you rather have it at night, after baby goes to bed? Or maybe both, if you're one of those lucky ones who don't need much sleep?
Those questions will probably be answered by your baby's sleeping habits. If baby wakes up at 5 in the morning, it might not be a good idea to be up at 3am to mow the lawn or practice your guitar.
Likewise, if your baby goes to bed late, do you really want to be up at midnight hitting the weights?
It's very much a balancing act. Because DS varies on the time he wakes up, I might get an hour of free time in the morning (but I don't count on it). He goes to bed at 7, so I know that's roughly when my "Brad time" will start.
It's a good idea to know in advance what your priorities are for these large chunks of free time. This will prevent you from sitting on the couch wondering what to do while watching reruns of the Golden Girls. Unless watching Golden Girls reruns is your priority.
5. Get a Babysitter/Have your Wife Step In
A babysitter is geared towards allowing your spouse and you to go out at night and enjoy dinner and a movie. You can also use a babysitter when you have an appointment where bringing baby along might not be a good idea (i.e. outpatient surgery). This might not be an option for everyone since a babysitter can be costly.
But try to get your spouse involved. Have her take the little one for a few hours so you can recharge your batteries. On the weekends, Susan will often take DS on errands with her, leaving me home alone.
Parting Words
I'm going to throw in my disclaimer again and say that all babies are different and have different needs. What works for my little one, might not work for yours.
The key is to be creative with your time. Use any free time you have wisely. And remember that even though your job is to take care of your baby, you also have to take care of yourself. This means eating healthy, getting regular exercise and doing activities that have nothing to do with your little boy or girl. I know that sounds harsh, and even a little selfish, but trust me, it will keep you sane.
If you have any tips for getting stuff done while taking care of your baby, let me know in the comments below (haha, that rhymes).
But you still have other stuff to do. How are you going to get it done when babies demand so much attention? I've acquired a few tips and tricks for this in my own experience in Mason's first year. Note that every baby is different with different needs, so not all these tips will work for everyone.
1. Use naps to your advantage
If your baby takes naps during the day, you have the perfect opportunity to get stuff done. You can take a nap yourself (like I did), get housework done, or enjoy the free time to spend on your hobbies or other interests.
The main thing to remember about naps, is that as a baby grows and matures, his/her napping habits will also change. So be flexible, as these changes can happen suddenly.
2. Play time
This is for younger babies who are not yet mobile. In other words, this works best for babies that play a little on their back (maybe even sitting up) and that's about it. Susan and I called DS during this phase a "sack of potatoes" because they are still pretty helpless.
You can play with your baby and still do minor tasks. For example, I'd play with DS on the floor and prop my computer up on the coffee table. As I played with him I'd also write blog posts for my flagship blog Brad's Reader. Sometimes I'd only write one sentence at a time. At other times, when DS began to entertain himself a little more I'd be able to write an entire blog post rather quickly.
I'm not suggesting you completely ignore your little one during play time to get other stuff done. Far from it. Your baby should always be your first priority. But let's be realistic, there's only so much baby-talk and toy rattling you can do in a day before going insane.
Try to find simple stuff you can do while playing with your baby.
3. Meal time
Once your baby is older and is starting to eat solid foods while sitting in a highchair is a great opportunity to get stuff done.
When I'm feeding DS, I will sometimes use that as an opportunity clean up the kitchen or vacuum the area around him. My one caveat to this, however, is to always stay within view of him (so I can see him and he can see me). You never know if/when they might choke on a finger food. The only exception I make is when I have to go to the bathroom really fast.
The other stuff I do is check email, work on blogs and try to stay out of the firing range of DS's habit of throwing his food everywhere. But I also spend a good chunk of time giving him my full attention by talking to him while I shovel processed green beans into his mouth.
4. Before Baby Wakes/After Baby Goes to Bed at Night
Perhaps this is your greatest opportunity for you to do the stuff you want to do. I can count on a few hours to myself after DS goes to bed at night. These long chunks of time are a luxury to any parent. But for a full-time parent (dad or mom), having a few hours to yourself is nothing less than heaven.
The big question here is: Would you rather have your free time early in the morning, before baby wakes up? Or would you rather have it at night, after baby goes to bed? Or maybe both, if you're one of those lucky ones who don't need much sleep?
Those questions will probably be answered by your baby's sleeping habits. If baby wakes up at 5 in the morning, it might not be a good idea to be up at 3am to mow the lawn or practice your guitar.
Likewise, if your baby goes to bed late, do you really want to be up at midnight hitting the weights?
It's very much a balancing act. Because DS varies on the time he wakes up, I might get an hour of free time in the morning (but I don't count on it). He goes to bed at 7, so I know that's roughly when my "Brad time" will start.
It's a good idea to know in advance what your priorities are for these large chunks of free time. This will prevent you from sitting on the couch wondering what to do while watching reruns of the Golden Girls. Unless watching Golden Girls reruns is your priority.
5. Get a Babysitter/Have your Wife Step In
A babysitter is geared towards allowing your spouse and you to go out at night and enjoy dinner and a movie. You can also use a babysitter when you have an appointment where bringing baby along might not be a good idea (i.e. outpatient surgery). This might not be an option for everyone since a babysitter can be costly.
But try to get your spouse involved. Have her take the little one for a few hours so you can recharge your batteries. On the weekends, Susan will often take DS on errands with her, leaving me home alone.
Parting Words
I'm going to throw in my disclaimer again and say that all babies are different and have different needs. What works for my little one, might not work for yours.
The key is to be creative with your time. Use any free time you have wisely. And remember that even though your job is to take care of your baby, you also have to take care of yourself. This means eating healthy, getting regular exercise and doing activities that have nothing to do with your little boy or girl. I know that sounds harsh, and even a little selfish, but trust me, it will keep you sane.
If you have any tips for getting stuff done while taking care of your baby, let me know in the comments below (haha, that rhymes).
Babies, Bathrooms and Toilets: A Recipe For Disaster
The great thing about when a baby becomes mobile is they have a lot of freedom to explore without you carrying them around everywhere. The bad thing about a baby becoming mobile is that they have a lot of freedom to explore without you carrying them around everywhere.
The following is true story about how a crawling baby can turn something simple like going to the bathroom into a terrible (but still funny) ordeal.
I had to go to the bathroom really bad (number 1). I set DS down in the hallway to let him crawl around a little. I even left the bathroom door slightly open so I could keep an eye on him while I did my business.
At first everything was fine. I was relieving myself and DS was sitting in the hallway. Then he started crawling towards the bathroom. And when Mason crawls, he crawls fast.
Before I knew it he was inside the bathroom coming toward me at a breakneck speed. I was still going. He made it to the toilet and stood himself up, using the rim of the toilet bowl. By this time I had to stop myself from going.
Before I could pick him up he dunked his hand right into the toilet bowl, filled with urine. I shrieked out loud saying, "No! No! Get away from there!" He thought it was a game and laughed harder and harder every time I said "No."
Having stopped myself from peeing, I picked him up and hightailed it into his room where I proceeded to wash his hands with everything I could find. I also wiped off his face and neck, lest any droplets of urine made their way to those little nooks and crannies. When I was positive he was clean, I breathed a sigh of relief. Disaster somewhat averted.
I still wasn't finished though. I set him down (again) in the hallway. This time I shut the bathroom door tight and locked it, so I could finish my...uh...business. I avoided the bathroom for the rest of the day until Susan came home.
Lesson learned: Sometimes you have to take some creative steps to get the things done you have to get done. After that incident I try to "hold it" until either he's down for his nap, or snack or meal time when he is safely strapped into his highchair and eating his strawberry puffs. At least then I know he's not going anywhere and he'll be safe for the few minutes I'm gone.
The following is true story about how a crawling baby can turn something simple like going to the bathroom into a terrible (but still funny) ordeal.
I had to go to the bathroom really bad (number 1). I set DS down in the hallway to let him crawl around a little. I even left the bathroom door slightly open so I could keep an eye on him while I did my business.
At first everything was fine. I was relieving myself and DS was sitting in the hallway. Then he started crawling towards the bathroom. And when Mason crawls, he crawls fast.
Before I knew it he was inside the bathroom coming toward me at a breakneck speed. I was still going. He made it to the toilet and stood himself up, using the rim of the toilet bowl. By this time I had to stop myself from going.
Before I could pick him up he dunked his hand right into the toilet bowl, filled with urine. I shrieked out loud saying, "No! No! Get away from there!" He thought it was a game and laughed harder and harder every time I said "No."
Having stopped myself from peeing, I picked him up and hightailed it into his room where I proceeded to wash his hands with everything I could find. I also wiped off his face and neck, lest any droplets of urine made their way to those little nooks and crannies. When I was positive he was clean, I breathed a sigh of relief. Disaster somewhat averted.
I still wasn't finished though. I set him down (again) in the hallway. This time I shut the bathroom door tight and locked it, so I could finish my...uh...business. I avoided the bathroom for the rest of the day until Susan came home.
Lesson learned: Sometimes you have to take some creative steps to get the things done you have to get done. After that incident I try to "hold it" until either he's down for his nap, or snack or meal time when he is safely strapped into his highchair and eating his strawberry puffs. At least then I know he's not going anywhere and he'll be safe for the few minutes I'm gone.
Don't Call Me Mr. Mom
If there's one thing I hate, it's being called Mr. Mom. I'm not a mom who happens to be a guy. I'm a dad. I'm a full-time dad. A stay-at-home dad. Or just "dad." Anything but a Mr. Mom.
The other reason I don't like the name Mr. Mom is because it reinforces the stereotype that it's the mom's job to stay at home to raise the kids, and anything different is somehow weird (for lack of a better term). I also see the name as an insult, pointing to the fact that only a mom can take care of the kids. Dads are perfectly capable of raising kids full-time.
When people ask me what I do, which is often, I just say I'm a full-time dad. People are surprised, and usually impressed. I hear a lot of stuff like "Good for you" or "That's great."
My biggest worry in telling people I'm a stay-at-home dad is that people will see me as lazy. No one has ever said anything to suggest that, but it's always in the back of my mind. Yet, anyone who has taken care of a child, especially a baby/toddler, knows it involves work - hard work. Babies need constant attention and have needs that must be attended to. There's no procrastinating when it comes to childcare.
When my son was still very much a baby, he got the famed five 'o clock grizzlies. Susan and I literally had to eat dinner in shifts so one of us could hold him to prevent him from having a full-blown crying fit. Even eating takes a backseat to caring for a baby.
Staying at home with him while Susan goes to work (where she works very hard to support us) is demanding. I'm still putting off my basic needs like eating, and even going to the bathroom to ensure his needs are met. I must add though, now that he's almost a year old, he is more independent, so I have a little more freedom to get stuff done (the operative word there is "little").
My point is that being a full-time dad is nothing to sneeze at. It's just as demanding as a regular 9-5 job. I'm just as tired at the end of the day. So let's not use a term like "Mr. Mom" that minimizes a dad's work and takes away from the demands of raising a child.
How should you respond when someone calls you Mr. Mom. A roundhouse kick to the face should be sufficient. Nothing says, "Don't call me that" like a steel-toed boot knocking a few teeth loose (you do wear steel-toed boots, right?). If you're a sissy and prefer to go the polite route, just say you prefer to be called a dad.
The other reason I don't like the name Mr. Mom is because it reinforces the stereotype that it's the mom's job to stay at home to raise the kids, and anything different is somehow weird (for lack of a better term). I also see the name as an insult, pointing to the fact that only a mom can take care of the kids. Dads are perfectly capable of raising kids full-time.
When people ask me what I do, which is often, I just say I'm a full-time dad. People are surprised, and usually impressed. I hear a lot of stuff like "Good for you" or "That's great."
My biggest worry in telling people I'm a stay-at-home dad is that people will see me as lazy. No one has ever said anything to suggest that, but it's always in the back of my mind. Yet, anyone who has taken care of a child, especially a baby/toddler, knows it involves work - hard work. Babies need constant attention and have needs that must be attended to. There's no procrastinating when it comes to childcare.
When my son was still very much a baby, he got the famed five 'o clock grizzlies. Susan and I literally had to eat dinner in shifts so one of us could hold him to prevent him from having a full-blown crying fit. Even eating takes a backseat to caring for a baby.
Staying at home with him while Susan goes to work (where she works very hard to support us) is demanding. I'm still putting off my basic needs like eating, and even going to the bathroom to ensure his needs are met. I must add though, now that he's almost a year old, he is more independent, so I have a little more freedom to get stuff done (the operative word there is "little").
My point is that being a full-time dad is nothing to sneeze at. It's just as demanding as a regular 9-5 job. I'm just as tired at the end of the day. So let's not use a term like "Mr. Mom" that minimizes a dad's work and takes away from the demands of raising a child.
How should you respond when someone calls you Mr. Mom. A roundhouse kick to the face should be sufficient. Nothing says, "Don't call me that" like a steel-toed boot knocking a few teeth loose (you do wear steel-toed boots, right?). If you're a sissy and prefer to go the polite route, just say you prefer to be called a dad.
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