Don't Hold A Grudge Against Your Toddler

One of the hardest parts of parenting is when your child acts up and does something bad. It puts you on the spot to get your kid under control and can lead to a full blown temper tantrum.

When my son does something bad like pull on the curtains (he's pulled a few down!) or try to hit mommy or I during a tantrum, it's easy to lose our temper. While we both seem pretty good at keeping ourselves under control during these situations. The hardes part, though, is not holding a grudge.

In other words, I don't stay mad at him in the afternoon for something he did in the morning. It's not fair to him and it's just that much more stress for me. I'm not even sure if a 2-year old can remember why they were in trouble to begin with after several hours.




How long should we stay mad at our kids? It really depends on the situation and what the child did. In most cases, I don't think staying mad does any good for an extended period of time does any good (for the reasons cited above).

My rule is that if he stops, settles down, listens to me and starts being good, I'll forget about the incident and resume play or whatever. And I try to make a little lesson out of it by telling him that when he's good, we can have fun. It also helps to let him know that when he cooperates, it's much easier on both of us.

For example, he's gotten into the habit of throwing tantrums when I'm changing his diaper. He wiggles and tries to stand up. He cries. He does everything in his power not to get his diaper changed. To try to avoid this, I tell him that the sooner we change his diaper, the sooner we can go do (fill-in-the-blank). It's starting to work.

Not holding a grudge is hard to do, especially when it's been a stressful day or your tired or your child has really been acting up. I'll be the first to admit I've stayed mad at my son longer than I should have. It's easy to do.

If you feel yourself holding a grudge against your toddler, try to remember something cute they've done in the past, or back to when they were helpless little babies. Remembering stuff like that tends to put you child back into perspective, making it easier to be forgiving and move on.

The Number Of Stay-At-Home Dads Is Increasing

Sometimes it's hard to remember that this a stay-at-home dad oriented blog. A lot of my posts are about other things, like temper tantrums, or talking about the sleeping habits of my son.

However, those are the things stay-at-home parents (mom or dad) deal with daily. So I think I'm still in the loop. I just don't emphasize that I'm a dad.

Yesterday there was an article on Yahoo! News that caught my eye. It's called Is Dad The New Mom? The Rise of Stay-At-Home Fathers.

I don't want to rehash the entire article, I'll let you read it for yourself. But there are a few things worth highlighting. Like:

According to the most recent Census, the number of stay-at-home fathers in the United States has tripled in the past 10 years up to 154,000. Yet, these at-home dads are still the exception to the traditional household and many treading in unchartered parenting waters.

I've known about the incredibly low number of stay-at-home dads there are out there because of the research I'm doing for a secret project I'm working on. As a percentage of the US population, us dads are a rare breed. That means sticking together.

Which brings me to my next point:

Many at-home dads across the country have turned to the Internet for guidance and support from each other, and now there is a growing online community. Some at-home dads set up get-togethers.

 "They talk about sports and politics, but if you go in there right now they will be talking about diaper changes, sleeping challenges, so we're really talking about a lot of the stuff that moms are talking about," said Matt Schneider of "NYC Dads Group."

I've mentioned in a previous post that I joined a dad's group when my DS was about 2 months. The other dads were great. The only problem was that their kids were toddlers. So why they were playing with their kids on the playground, I was stuck sitting on the bench giving my son a bottle.

If you're a dad reading this, which I hope you are, you should embrace your job and wear it as a badge of pride.

How Do You Punish A Toddler That Can't Be Punished?

I don't expect that my toddler son will be a perfect angel all the time. He has his moments where he just won't behave. It's frustrating, but it's part of being a parent.

However, this begs the question: How do you discipline a toddler?

My DS doesn't understand that he's being punished. He doesn't make the connection between what he did wrong and how we (my wife and I) react to it. For example, if we give him a time out, he'll just sit there and laugh and move around, thinking it's a game.

Today when he and I were playing outside he kept running into the street, which is a huge no-no. I gave him 3 chances, and then we'd go inside. He used up those 3 chances pretty fast and we went inside. Yet it didn't bother him in the least.

The only punishment that has any effect on him is taking things away. He likes cups of ice. He'll chew on the ice, suck on it and play around with it. No big deal. But he also likes to dump the ice out on the floor, which is also a no-no. I give him a chance not to do it anymore and let him keep his ice. Then he does it again and I take it away. He then goes quickly into full temper tantrum mode.

However, most the stuff he does cannot be taken away. So how do you punish a toddler that doesn't respond to punishment.

I don't know. If someone figures it out, please tell me.

But I do know that it's important to be consistant. Hopefully as he gets older he'll begin to make the connection between being bad and being punished.

How To Avoid Hidden Danger On Playground Slides

Experts are warning about a new danger on the playground: Going down slides with your toddler on your lap. It appears that well-intentioned parents who do this thinking it's safer than letting their little one go down alone, are actually putting their kids in more danger.

What's so dangerous about going down slides with your toddler on your lap? This Yahoo! article explains:

Parents may not notice when their child's shoe catches on the side of the slide for a second or two, but that, combined with the speed at which the parent and child are zipping down the slide, can create enough friction to break the child's shin bone (tibia). Instead, what parents do notice is that at the bottom of the slide, instead of laughing with joy, the child is whimpering or screaming in pain.

The article goes on to say that even tucking your child's feet between your legs is still dangerous because the shoe can still get caught on the slide. It seems that the only safe way for a toddler to go down a slide is by him/herself. 

Of course, holding their hand on the way down is okay. But if their foot gets caught they can at least stop themselves to avoid injury.

I've taken my own DS down slides a few times, and this never occurred to me. But I see how it can be dangerous. 

My son LOVES going down slides. We bought a little one for our backyard and he laughs every time he hits the bottom. My legs are about as long as the slide, so there's no chance I'd take him down on my lap.

My Son Is Officially A Toddler!

My son has officially crossed the line from baby to toddler. Okay, there really is no definite line marking the transition into toddler-dom . But DS (dear son) is now walking more than he's crawling, I think that qualifies.

Only about a month ago he was crawling around like a madman. He'd stand up using the couch or ottoman for support and "cruises" around them while hanging on. Now he's walking with no support. He still has some work to do on his balance, but I'm guessing within another month he'll be even better.

The nice part about him walking is that he can walk around the house with us. We no longer need to carry him into his room to change his diaper. He is much more independent.

The bad part about him walking is that he is much more independent. He wants to explore. If there's a room he wants to go in, and he can't, he'll fuss and cry. And because he's standing up, his reach is a lot taller. We're having to put our valuables and electronics on higher shelves.

He's still working on the talking part. He says "dada dada" pretty well. I think he's referring to me when he says it although it can be hard to tell sometimes. Whenever he sees our cat he makes a "tsss" sound. Not even close to the word "Kitty" but we'll take what we can get.

More adventures in parenting!

Being A Dad In A Sea Of Moms

I probably don't even have to say this because it's so obvious, but it's still worth discussing. If you plan to be a stay-at-home dad, then be prepared to live in a sea of moms. By no means am I saying this is a bad thing. Far from it.

Just realize that when you go to story time at the library or to the park, you'll probably find yourself a lone wolf. And I'll admit, it took me some getting used to. I was very self-conscious at first and felt like I was always being stared at.

Now I don't even think twice about it.

The other thing I've learned over the last year is that a majority of all these moms you'll run into will smile at you and your baby. Some will even strike up a conversation. Take advantage of those moments to seek advice, give advice, trade tips or just shoot the breeze with a fellow parent. You'll come to relish these encounters because it's a conversation with an adult that doesn't involve baby talk.

You will get used to being out there, running errands during the middle of a weekday with your baby in tow. It's going to be awkward at first, but it gets better.

When Snack Time Turns Into Game Time

DS has a new game. But it's not one that's meant to be a game. At meal/snack time, he finds it hilarious to drop his snacks on the floor. He smiles and laughs as he does this. A stern "No" only makes him laugh harder.

I'll admit that it is cute. Only a baby can find so much humor and joy in something like dropping a strawberry puff, or a slice of cucumber, or a sliced up grape, or whatever his snack happens to be.

The problem is that the only real solution I've found is to end snack time. If he's eating an actual meal, I'll let him finish, he just won't get any snacks. If he starts dropping things on the ground during the middle of snack time, I warn him once, then he won't get his snacks back and then I just end snack time altogether.

I still have the same problem though. He thinks all this is a funny game. I'm not a disciplinarian by any means, so a stern "No" is about all I can say. Even taking his snacks away is hard for me. At the same time, I don't want to reinforce his bad behavior.

I don't think he's made the connection between his dropping food on the floor and his food being taken away - he is only 1-year old. I'm sure his young age has something to do with it. As he gets older he'll make those connections.

That said, if any of you parents out there has a good solution to this problem, I'm all ears.

7 Lessons I've Learned After Being A Dad For One Year

Now that my son is about a year old, I've been reflecting about the last year and all that I've learned. Some of it came by simple trial and error. There was other stuff that I learned over time.

The first year of a baby's life is hectic. It's a constant struggle against a growing, demanding baby vs. keeping your sanity. But it can be done. You can do it.

Here are a few lessons I've learned over the last year that I want to pass on to all of you new, full-time dads out there. I hope these help:

1. You will grieve the loss of your old life/freedom that you enjoyed before having a baby. This is a very personal issue. Some people get over it within months. Others struggle with it for a long time. Me? After a year I still struggle with this. However, it is getting better.

2. Don't blame your baby on the frustrations of being a new dad. There's a huge learning curve. It's not the baby's fault. They just do what all babies do. Remember that nothing lasts forever. As frustrated and stressed out as you might become, do not take it out on your baby. That is the worse thing you can do and will only cause further, more serious problems down the road.

3. You must be able to put the stuff you want to do (both short and long term) on hold to care for your baby. This could mean putting off eating dinner until after baby goes to bed. Or even slowing down on some of the hobbies you enjoyed before baby was born. This comes with the territory.

4. Sleep becomes a scarce commodity. This is especially true for the first few months when your baby will be waking up for all those nightly feedings. Their schedules are erratic. Try to sleep whenever you can. If your baby takes a nap during the day, take a nap at the same time. Those dishes in the sink can wait.

5. Take care of yourself! This is probably the most important part about being a full-time dad I've learned over the past year. You can throw yourself into taking care of your baby and put in some long hours.

But you MUST care for yourself as well. This means eating properly, getting some exercise and doing things for you. Get a babysitter or have your partner take care of the baby for a few hours while you go swimming (this is my stress reliever) or to the gun range.

6. Don't be afraid to ask for advice from other parents. Most are more than willing to give you advice and/or encouragement. I've always liked talking to moms with kids who are a little older than my own son, so I can know what I need to prepare for and how to deal with any current issues.

7. Offer advice and/or encouragement to other new parents, especially after your own baby grows and you gain experience and confidence. Just saying the words, "It gets better" can be a big morale booster for a lot of people. It was for me.

There are a lot more lessons I've learned over the last year, however, these are the ones I feel are the most important.

I have no idea what to expect for my son's second year. But I do know that after getting through the "baby phase" I have the confidence I can the second year will be a little less stressful.