Do You Hear Ghost Baby Cries in the Night?

If you do hear baby ghost cries at night, you need serious help.

Ok, maybe you don't need that much help. But hearing baby cries that aren't really there is something my wife and I have experienced many times over the last year. And it wasn't something I ever expected. When I first started hearing ghost cries, I didn't know whether to call my psychiatrist or a paranormal expert.

It usually happens at night, or when he's napping. I'll be watching television, reading in bed or trying to sleep and I'll hear what I think is him crying. Then when I check the baby monitor, he's sound asleep, not even moving.




Oddly, the difference between the phantom cries and real cries is very noticeable. You'd think I would've learned to tell the difference by now. I haven't.

I think a large part of it stems from my overall paranoia about him not sleeping. When I hear him make real noises, like coughing, when he's in his crib, my stomach sinks and my anxiety level skyrockets.

I know when I'm really hearing phantom crying when I have my earplugs in and I can still hear "Waaa, waaa."

As he gets older it'll probably go away. Though I never thought in a million years that phantom baby cries were even possible. Other parents have told me they've had the same experience, but not many people talk about it. They probably don't want others to think they're crazy.

I'll chalk this one up to experience.

Note About Using My Son's Real Name On This Blog

Hi All:

After talking it over with my wife, I'm no longer going to refer to my son by his real name. This is out of concern of his privacy, especially when he's older. Does he really want people to Google his name and read about me changing his poopy diapers? Probably not.

Also, I think it's a safety thing as well. There are a lot of creeps out there. I don't want them reading all of this personal stuff about him knowing his full name. That's just asking for trouble.

So instead of referring to him with his real name, I will refer to him as DS, short for "Dear Son." Makes sense because he is my dear son and I love him like nothing else.

- Brad

Being A Dad In A Sea Of Moms

I probably don't even have to say this because it's so obvious, but it's still worth discussing. If you plan to be a stay-at-home dad, then be prepared to live in a sea of moms. By no means am I saying this is a bad thing. Far from it.

Just realize that when you go to story time at the library or to the park, you'll probably find yourself a lone wolf. And I'll admit, it took me some getting used to. I was very self-conscious at first and felt like I was always being stared at.

Now I don't even think twice about it.

The other thing I've learned over the last year is that a majority of all these moms you'll run into will smile at you and your baby. Some will even strike up a conversation. Take advantage of those moments to seek advice, give advice, trade tips or just shoot the breeze with a fellow parent. You'll come to relish these encounters because it's a conversation with an adult that doesn't involve baby talk.

You will get used to being out there, running errands during the middle of a weekday with your baby in tow. It's going to be awkward at first, but it gets better.

How To Be More Than Just A Dad

Part of our self-identity, for men and women, is our careers. People identify themselves with what they do to put food on the table. Even being a stay-at-home dad is a career. It's the hardest, most rewarding job anyone can ever have.

However, changing poopy diapers and bottle feedings every two hours can only take us so far when it comes to our self-identity. As noble and rewarding as parenting is, I think we need to have something else, something that identifies us separately and outside of being a dad.

I'll use myself as an example. My own identity goes beyond taking care of DS. I also maintain two blogs, write fiction and I'm also starting to dabble in drawing and art. And I swim...a lot. These are things that I love doing and even make some money at (except swimming, that costs me money).

Why do you need to be more than just a dad? There are a few reasons that I list below. They are in no particular order:

1. Keep your sanity. As I said before, you need to have something more than poopy diapers and bottle feedings. I say that with a bit of sarcasm because everyone knows being a parent is about a lot more than just diapers - especially when your baby becomes a teenager.

2. Provides an outlet for your many talents. Everyone has something to offer. Whether it's building things, fixing cars, writing, selling knives door-to-door, you can be a dad and do something else. Think of it as moonlighting.

3. Gives you goals to set for yourself. Goals are important. They keep us motivated and moving forward. You can set both short term and long term goals. For example, on of my short term goals include getting blog posts written in a timely manner. A long term goal would to be making a living from writing in X number of years.

There are probably dozens of reasons to have something outside of parenting. I've only scratched the surface. But it is important. A lot of new parents spend so much time taking care of their baby, they don't take care of themselves.

Keep this in mind when you're rocking your little one to sleep. Find something that can be more than a hobby and that you can grow into as your baby grows. It will make life all the more rewarding.

When Snack Time Turns Into Game Time

DS has a new game. But it's not one that's meant to be a game. At meal/snack time, he finds it hilarious to drop his snacks on the floor. He smiles and laughs as he does this. A stern "No" only makes him laugh harder.

I'll admit that it is cute. Only a baby can find so much humor and joy in something like dropping a strawberry puff, or a slice of cucumber, or a sliced up grape, or whatever his snack happens to be.

The problem is that the only real solution I've found is to end snack time. If he's eating an actual meal, I'll let him finish, he just won't get any snacks. If he starts dropping things on the ground during the middle of snack time, I warn him once, then he won't get his snacks back and then I just end snack time altogether.

I still have the same problem though. He thinks all this is a funny game. I'm not a disciplinarian by any means, so a stern "No" is about all I can say. Even taking his snacks away is hard for me. At the same time, I don't want to reinforce his bad behavior.

I don't think he's made the connection between his dropping food on the floor and his food being taken away - he is only 1-year old. I'm sure his young age has something to do with it. As he gets older he'll make those connections.

That said, if any of you parents out there has a good solution to this problem, I'm all ears.

Baby's Big Milestone Reached: Walking

For the past few months DS has been crawling around the house like a madman. He is also "cruising," meaning that he can stand up and walk around the couch, chairs, tables and so forth. As long as he's hanging on to something, he can walk.

But I don't consider it "walking" until he's walking on his own without help.

Over the last few weeks he's been taking one or two steps on his own before flopping over onto the floor. This has resulted in some nasty falls and many bruises. He's very resilient though. After a fall he gets right back up and keeps playing. He's quite the trooper.

Today he reached a big milestone. He was able to walk several feet, unaided by Susan or I. Of course he walked like a drunken sailor. But now it's a matter of building up his confidence. I've been encouraging him to walk by holding his hands and slowly moving around the room. If I'm lucky I can let go with one hand and he'll still walk. Then, like everything else, he thinks it's a game and falls over to roll around on the floor and laugh hysterically.

Milestones don't happen at the snap of a finger. At least, that's not what it feels like when you're waiting for your little one to sit up (for example). When it happens, though, you look back and think: "That was fast!"

And with each milestone, your baby becomes a little more independent. That's good and bad. It's good because I don't have to carry DS everywhere. If I need to change his diaper, I can walk into his room and he'll follow me. It's bad because since he started standing up he can reach for things on the couch, tables, shelves and anything else where valuables are kept.

He already snatched up our television remote and managed to mess up our TV with the press of two buttons. We've been trying to fix it for a while now, but we have no idea what he did. That's another post for another time.

Men Also Suffer From Postpartum Depression, Part 2

Note: This is Part 2 of a 2-part series about male postpartum depression. You can read Part 1 here.

So yes, we've established that men do suffer from postpartum depression too. Just how many? According to this WSJ article, more than 1 in 10 new fathers will become depressed:

Researchers from the Eastern Virginia Medical School in Norfolk sought to get an accurate estimate for what percentage of men experience depression in the year after their child was born, using commonly accepted depression measures. They conducted a statistical review of 43 previously published studies involving 28,000 male and female adults.

Some 10.4% of fathers experience depression during the postpartum period, the analysis showed. In the general population, 4.8% of men are believed depressed at any given point in time, according to government data.

But what causes men to become depressed after the birth of their child? In women, as I understand it, the postpartum depression (PPD) is caused by the hormonal changes their bodies go through after giving birth. At least, that's the simple explanation.

In men, it might be a little harder to pin down. I did read this article that says estrogen levels in men increase after their baby is born and testosterone levels decrease. Some think it's an evolutionary thing; a mechanism to keep men from running off after their baby is born.

For me, a lot of the depression came from feeling so overwhelmed in such a short amount of time. One day Susan and I are doing our own thing, and the next day we are dealing with diaper changes, feedings, lack of sleep and trying to care for this little baby that demands so much.

There is a feeling of hopelessness, that things will never return to normal. There is also a feeling of being trapped. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. I also felt out of control, never knowing when he'd be crying or for what reason (for example).

It probably took me a good six months to begin to calm down. At the six month mark, I realized we were halfway to a year and everyone told me that it's around six months when a lot of babies start developing fast.

And it's true! He did develop fast after hitting the six month mark. The more he developed, the easier things seemed to get. Don't get me wrong, it was still a challenge and I still yearned for my old life. But the depression became more manageable.

My point in all this is that if you are a guy feeling depressed after the birth of your baby, you're not alone. Men all over the world go through this. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

If your depression is getting in the way of your every day life, then you need help. Talk to your doctor. See a therapist. Join a support group. Whatever you do, don't suffer alone.

Men Also Suffer From Postpartum Depression, Part 1

Note: This is Part 1 of a 2-part series about male postpartum depression. You can read Part 2 here.

We all hear about postpartum depression in new mothers. It's a serious issue, and if not addressed by professionals, the consequences can be devastating for everyone.

What we don't hear about is postpartum depression in men. Yes, new dads can suffer from this as well. It's too bad we don't hear more about it because there are a lot of new dads who have postpartum depression.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I had it. After DS was born I was depressed - really depressed! I did my best to stay strong and keep my game face on, but it was hard. The day after he was born I went home to take a shower and grab a few things; I was on the verge of tears. And they weren't tears of joy.

I also remember sitting in the hospital as we were being discharged not wanting to go home. The nurses and doctors made everything so much easier because they helped us a lot with DS. As soon as we left the hospital though, we were on our own.

Don't get me wrong, he has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I fell in love with him as soon as the surgeon plucked him from my wife's stomach. At first he looked like an alien because he was so slimy and funny looking. I breathed a sigh of relief that he really was a human when the nurse cleaned him off.

I should mention that I've suffered from depression long before DS came along, so I'm more predisposed to it than others. Nevertheless, I stayed depressed for a while after his birth. At least a good month, maybe longer. I honestly can't remember. I think I blocked some of those feelings out.

A lot of my depression came from simply wanting my old life back. It was so simple before having a baby. I've slowly had to come to grips that this is now my new reality. Once that process happened, things got easier.

If you're a new dad and you're depressed, you are not alone. In my next post I'll write about the causes of postpartum depression in men. Stay tuned...

Does It Get Easier?

This is a question I've asked any and every parent (mom or dad) that has a baby older than my own. Even if they have a toddler, I ask: "Does it get easier?" I want reassurance that parenting does get easier.

I've come to the conclusion that the answer to this elusive question commonly asked by new parents is: Yes and no.

First, yes, it does get easier. When you first bring baby home you will have to adjust to midnight feedings, diaper changes, constant care, doctor's appointments, and the list goes on endlessly. It's all overwhelming at first. You suddenly have this new life you must care for. It's not easy.

But, you do get use to it. You learn your baby's routines and personality. You'll begin to recognize the signs that your baby is hungry or tired. And your baby grows...fast. He/she quickly goes from newborn to just a baby, then to a toddler. No one phase lasts forever.

In that sense, yes it does get easier. You will find ways to cope and deal with the challenges. You will adapt. It might not happen right away so be patient.

Now time for the dread "No" answer.

The reason why I say "no" is because even as your baby grows and develops, every stage brings new challenges that you must confront. For example, when DS was a baby I had to deal with his crying episodes (luckily for us, they were few), carrying him everywhere, trying to play with him, rocking him to sleep at night, etc.

Now he's a toddler. So he doesn't just lay on the floor like a lump of potatoes anymore. He can play by himself and he can play with me.

The hard part now is that he's mobile. I spend half my day chasing him around the house. He also grabs at everything, which instantly goes into his mouth. He can stand up and reach for things on the couch or on a low shelf. He's learned to figure things out.

I think any parent will tell you that this phase is not easy. It is very challenging. I'm exhausted by the end of the day. While I don't have to deal with a fussy baby that needs to be held, I'm trying to keep my toddler from sticking his fingers in an electrical outlet that I forgot to plug.

The question "Does it get easier" seems to expect a yes or no answer. But it's not that simple. Rather than saying "Yes it does" or "No it does not", I think it's better to say "It changes as time goes on. Every phase brings its own challenges."