Win a $25 Amazon Gift Card!

My other blog, Brad's Reader, is turning 5 this year. To celebrate, I'm giving away a $25 Amazon gift card!

It couldn't be easier: Just leave a comment (not here, at Brad's Reader) saying what your favorite book of 2011 was. The book doesn't have to be published in 2011, just a book you read and liked. I will chose a comment at random as the winner.

Please visit this post for all the details.

Happy Holidays!

I want it, I want it, I want it!

My DS has entered a new phase in his toddler development: The "I want it" phase. This means that he wants everything he can't have. And when he doesn't get it, he throws a tantrum.

This is probably the most frustrating phase he's entered because it's not something that can be easily remedied. Like I said, he wants things he can't have, this includes: Expensive electronics, hot mugs of coffee, the TV remote control, and so on.

How have I dealt with this? How can you deal with a toddler who wants everything? Here are a few things that have helped:

1. Hide everything that your child shouldn't get his/her hands on. The old saying "Out of sight, out of mind" is the best strategy. This is easier said than done, though. Keep everything you don't want your child to get his/her hands on out of sight.

The problem here is that you'll always miss something. And eventually my DS finds something new that he wants. Overall though, I've learned what he'll go after and have just kept them hidden. Since then there have been much less tantrums.

2. Give your toddler what he wants. This might not be the best strategy because you don't want your toddler to think that he/she can have whatever they want. It's a bad precedent to set.

However, there are certain things I give in on. My DS likes to play with his diaper bag. So I take out everything that can be a hazard and let him play with the bag. He likes to take out the extra diapers, a set of extra clothes and empty bottles.

3. Stand your ground. If you can deal with tantrums and a lot of crying, then this might work (although it will take a while). Most toddlers will eventually settle down. Try distracting them with one of their toys, or something new like a piece of Tupperware. I've used this strategy with relative success. It just takes a lot of patience and a higher level of tolerance for a crying toddler.

Hopefully this will give you a few ideas to cope with the dreaded "I want it" phase. Remember that it won't last forever. It's just one more challenge in the parenting experience.

How do you deal with your toddler who wants everything?

First Rule of Parenting: Stay Flexible (And Sane!)

Flexibility is the name of the game for any full-time parent. It's a must. My own flexibility (and sanity) is being put to the test this week while our basement gets remodeled. The remodel will last several weeks. I survived this first week...barely.

The construction crew works all day, making a lot of noise. There's nowhere in the house where you can escape the constant pounding, sawing, drilling and all the other noises associated with a construction site.

This means that I'm trying to take care of my son with all the commotion of the basement remodel. It makes my job twice as hard.

The biggest obstacle I'm facing is nap time. There's too much noise for him to sleep in his crib. There is nowhere else to go to put him down for his daily nap.

My solution? I drive him around for an hour. It sucks! Not only is it mind-numbingly boring, but my car is eating up gas like crazy. I also can't get anything done while I'm driving. No blogging. No writing. No chores. Nothing.

I must add, however, that as bad as driving him around is for his naps, it sure beats having him crabby in the evening, and possibly too tired to sleep well at night. Small price to pay for a little peace a night.

If this isn't enough, he's also getting some molars in. Any parent knows that teething is bad enough, but molars seem particularly bad. So on top of the basement construction going on, he has little temper tantrums throughout the day.

The point of this post is that you just have to go with the flow as a parent. You can't fight it. Trying to fight will only make things worse. You have to be flexible.

When things get bad, I always tell myself that it's only temporary. The basement will be finished and he'll be able to take normal naps again. He will stop teething. He will grow out of having temper tantrums. Nothing lasts forever.

But even when these current challenges disappear, new ones will come to light. That's where flexibility comes in. You never know what will come next.

Is Being A Stay-at-Home Dad A Dream Job?

It appears that some out there consider being a stay-at-home dad a dream job. Not because of the joy of raising a child, rather, because it means no boss, no long commutes, no office politics, etc. These people should think again.

I saw this hilarious article on Cracked.com. In part, the article says:

The first perceived perk of leaving a traditional job to be a househusband is that there is no longer a boss to deal with and you are now able to dictate your own schedule and tasks, on your own time. But in reality, the exact opposite is true. A stay-at-home dad has the most demanding, most obnoxious, rudest boss possible: a child. Babies and toddlers make unreasonable demands and give out impossible deadlines to meet at all hours of the day (and night). In fact, the job never ends. There is no time clock, no shift whistle and no drinks with the guys after work.

I'd agree that a baby/toddler can be a very demanding boss. My DS keeps me on my toes the entire day. One minute he's quietly eating his snacks, the next minute he's crying and fussing for no apparent reason. And there really isn't any time off from being a dad. No weekends. No holidays.

I joke with my wife that I get paid in dirty diapers.

The last part of the article talks about some women divorce their "househusbands" because the traditional belief that the man should work still holds - and women lose respect for their husbands. That's a different post for a different day.

Parents Are Giving Up Ebooks In Favor Of Print

This article is re-posted from my Brad's Reader blog.

Even the most hardcore ebook enthusiast (like myself) might be putting their Kindle down in favor of a print book. Why? Parents are finding that print books are still the best medium for reading to their little ones.

I fall into this category. My son is a young toddler and he's still at the age where he likes to explore things by putting them in his mouth. That's what toddlers seem to do, put stuff in their mouths. They also throw, bang, drool on and have numerous other destructive methods in their arsenal. This means toddlers and eReaders don't mix.

According to this NYT article, I'm not alone:

This is the case even with parents who themselves are die-hard downloaders of books onto Kindles, iPads, laptops and phones. They freely acknowledge their digital double standard, saying they want their children to be surrounded by print books, to experience turning physical pages as they learn about shapes, colors and animals.

Tactile exploration along with a lot of different colors are important learning tools for young kids. Ebooks just can't compete with print.

Adult books are making a quick transition to ebooks, but this is not the case with kids books:

As the adult book world turns digital at a faster rate than publishers expected, sales of e-books for titles aimed at children under 8 have barely budged. They represent less than 5 percent of total annual sales of children’s books, several publishers estimated, compared with more than 25 percent in some categories of adult books.

I guess I'll be waiting a few years before I can buy my son his first shiny new eReader. Until then, we'll stick with print.

Sexist Tide Ad Insults Stay-at-Home Dads

I've ranted against the title "Mr. Mom" for stay-at-home dads for a while. It's my pet peeve. But when I read in this article about a new Tide detergent tv ad, I was shocked to find they come up with a new name that is even more insulting.

There are two versions of the commercial, the long and short version. In the long version, the dad is referred to as a "dad-mom." Seriously?

The "father" actor alone is featured in the "long" version, and he calls himself, with some panache, "a dad-mom," touting his ability to fold his child's clothing with "complete accuracy." He adds, "And, with (this product), I can use the brute strength of Dad to mix with the nurturing abilities of my laundry detergent. ... Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to do pull-ups and crunches in the other room."

Names like "Mr. Mom" and especially "dad-mom" only reinforce that old stereotype that it's the mom who should be staying at home tending to the kids. And anything different is abnormal.

I think the commercial is also insulting to moms, implying that only they can do the laundry.

Come on, Tide! Stay-at-home dads can be referred to simply as "dads." There's no need to insult us.

Monster Molars

My DS has his first molars coming in. He already has most if his front teeth, top and bottom. They came in easily enough. He didn't even seem to notice. Molars are a different story. They're huge, making them very painful.

For the past few days he has been "Mr. Crabby Cakes," as my wife and I affectionately call him. He cries more and gets fussier easier. In general, he doesn't seem to enjoy his usual playing.

Things have been slowly getting better. Today he is more like himself. The bad news is: He's getting a cold. As the old saying goes, "When it rains, it pours."

The times when your kid is crabby are the real tests for parents. Anyone can handle a kid that is happy, playful and well-behaved. It's those times when they deviate from their usual selves that puts a parent to the test.

I'll confess that the past few days has been a wake-up call for me. I've been very spoiled because DS is such a happy little toddler. The crabby days have been a real test of my patience and mettle.

It reminds me of his younger days when he cried for no reason. I spent those endless days sitting on the floor, trying to keep him entertained so he wouldn't cry. Back then I knew what to expect. I learned little tricks to keep from going insane.

At least with these monster molars coming in I know what the problem is and that it is only temporary. I pray they come in fast so we can get through this stage and on to the next one.

Never Be Ashamed About Being A Stay-At-Home Dad

I've never been shy about being a stay-at-home dad. When someone asks me what I do for a living, I say I take care of my son. While I usually don't use the phrase "stay-at-home dad," I make it clear that this is my job.

But it seems that not everyone is quite as forthcoming about taking on a job that has been historically delegated to women. Some men find it emasculating to admit they stay at home to take care of their kid/s.

I found an article that goes into great detail about this. I'm not going to cover the entire article because it is lengthy. However, there are a few interesting details worth noting.

The first is that some men, and even their wives, will lie or cover up the fact that the man is tending to the kids while the wife works:

Others let their men pay for everything in public, including meals with friends, so they don’t feel emasculated.

To save their feelings, many wives tell the outside world their husbands are setting up consultancies, starting businesses, or playing the money markets — anything but calling them stay-at-home dads.

I understand that some would be self-conscious about this. After all, most men find their identity in their work (as do women). I think it's a lot different for a man because there are literally centuries of precedent of the man taking on the role of supporting his family.

Here are the two biggest reasons why I think people lie (or cover up) the husband being a stay-at-home dad:

1. For the reason I stated above: It goes against the traditional role of the man.

2. Men find their identities in their work. And their work signifies that they are financially supporting their families. As a full-time parent, this is all stripped away.

How does one get "over the hump" and fully embrace their stay-at-home dad job? It comes down to remembering that you are helping to support your family. After all, if you didn't take care of the kids, your wife wouldn't be able to work.

Finally, remember that raising kids full-time is much more than a job. And the satisfaction of raising a healthy young son/daughter yourself is worth more than any paycheck.

One Year As A Stay-At-Home Dad

One year ago yesterday my wife went back to work, meaning I've now been a stay-at-home dad for a year. It has been a year full of ups and downs. I've watched DS go from infant to toddler.

It's amazing how much he's grown and developed. Because I've been with him every day for the past year, I didn't notice the changes until I see pictures from a month before.

He's not only grown, but he's also developed. At first, he couldn't even lift his head up. Now he's running around the house like a drunken madman (he still needs to work on his balance).

I remember when DS was first born I thought he'd never get older. That first week after we brought him home from the hospital dragged by with agonizing slowness. Every Saturday (he was born on a Saturday) brought new celebration as he was a week older. I counted the weeks carefully. Now I only count the months.

For dads just starting out as a stay-at-home dad, I say hang in there. It gets better, but I don't think it ever gets easy. One year seems like a long time, however, when you look back, it feels like it went by at lightening speed.

Time Management For Stay-At-Home Dads

When I sat down to write a post about playing and interacting with your toddler, I was unsure about where this post would go. On one hand I could write about the myriad of ways to play with your toddler, giving examples of games, toys and so forth.

On the other hand, I could go in a different direction. I decided to take the latter approach because I think the play/toy subject has been well-covered on other blogs and websites.

So I want to cover balancing the level of time you spend playing with your toddler with that of taking care of your own needs. Face it, even when it's just you and your son/daughter at home, there are still things you need to do for yourself. Some of those things you just have to do, like going to the bathroom. Others are in more of a gray area, like taking time for yourself to do something you enjoy.

If you look at it realistically, you cannot play with your toddler every minute of the day. He/she will probably need to take a nap. You will need to take a sanity break every now and then. There's also the more practical needs of getting stuff done around the house.

It's a fine balancing act to ensure you play enough with your toddler to satisfy his/her need for direct interaction and stimulation, with you getting other stuff done as well. I walk that line every day with my little DS (dear son).

I try to divide my time into chunks. I'll set aside a chunk of time for just playing with him. After that I might let him play alone for a little while I check email, go the bathroom, clean up the mess from breakfast and so forth. Then we might go somewhere, like to the store or our play group. Depending on when we get home, there might be another chunk of playtime or we'll eat lunch. Then he plays a little before going down for a nap, which is an opportunity for me to get more stuff done, like writing this blog post.

Mealtimes are great for you to do stuff because your toddler will be safely in his/her chair, rather than running around the house. I make sure my DS gets his main meal first, along with plenty of water. Then it's snack time. I use snack time as a chance to relax a little. I might read some news on the web, work on a blog post, clean up the kitchen or any other activity I can do that doesn't lead me too far away from him.

I don't think there is one correct answer for how to balance your time between playing and your "you-time." Some kids are more needy than others. I'm lucky that DS is very independent. So it's hard to judge my schedule with him against another parent who has a child that needs more attention.

I think the best way to manage your time is to get into a routine with your toddler. This brings some stability to the otherwise hectic life of a parent. It can also be comforting to know what to expect each day.

Breaking Parenthood Down To The Good & Bad (but mostly good)

My wife sent me a link to a blog post entitled "On Parenthood." It's written by a software coder who has a two and half year old son. And his wife is now pregnant with twins.

He summed up being a parent with a simple pie chart, showing 51% is the "most sublime joy you ever felt" and 49% is an "incredible pain in the ass." This might seem like a harsh outlook on being a parent. But he redeems himself by saying:

That one percent makes all the difference.

Personally, I'd skew the numbers more in favor of the sublime. Yes, my little DS can be a pain at times, but the positives far outweigh the negatives.

The post then makes a great point that having a child helps us relive our own childhoods. It goes further to say that we relive those first 4 years of life (can any of you really remember anything before the age of 4?):

It's also a history lesson. The first four years of your life. Do you remember them? What's your earliest memory? It is fascinating watching your child claw their way up the developmental ladder from baby to toddler to child. All this stuff we take for granted, but your baby will painstakingly work their way through trial and error: eating, moving, walking, talking. Arms and legs, how the hell do they work? Turns out, we human beings are kind of amazing animals. There's no better way to understand just how amazing humans are than the front row seat a child gives you to observe it all unfold from scratch each and every day, from literal square zero.

I'm at this stage with my son. He's walking now, so he's exploring the world around him. Sometimes he trips and falls flat on his face, but he always gets up and keeps going (after I kiss his forehead). He's interested in everything, even little threads sticking out from clothes.

He even gets into trouble by getting into stuff he's not supposed to, or by throwing his snacks on the floor. Those are the real tests. Most can handle a baby/toddler/child when they're being good. What about when they're bad? That's where the real parenting comes in. And that's when I want to pull my hair out on some days.

In the end though, it's totally worth it.

Alone With My Son This Week

The wife is going on a business trip this week, leaving little DS and I to fend for ourselves. Does this mean we'll both be walking around in our underwear watching television all week? Probably not.

I tried to plan a lot of stuff to do, like going to our play group, going to Monkey Bizness, hitting the gym and so forth. I'd go insane staying in the house all day, every day. And since I won't be able to go swimming at night, I need to get out of the house.

The last time DS and I were left alone was back in December 2010, when he was only 3 months old. Back then I couldn't really play with him, I could only entertain him. He was too young to do much with me. Luckily while my wife was gone, my brother came into town and spent a night, making my first nights alone with DS much more tolerable.

But now he is older. He's on a much more consistent schedule. I can play with him and not just sit on the floor jingling toys above his head. Also, he goes down for naps and to bed a lot easier now (knock on wood).

My only big worry is that I won't get that little break at 5pm like I usually do when my wife gets home. She will usually give him dinner and play with home for a while, letting me relax. She also gives him his baths and puts him down at night. I won't have any of those luxuries this week. By the end of the day I'm going to be just pooped - for lack of a better term.

Trial by fire, I guess. Keep your fingers crossed.

Guess What New Parents Regret?

I just came across this article that says 8% of parents regret the names they picked for their child. I'm actually kind of surprised by this, as couples have 9 months to pick a name before the baby is actually born. It's not like the decision is sprung on you at the last minute.

But there's more to it than that. Outside factors (i.e. grandparents-to-be) and vanity can play a role in naming the baby:

Pamela Redmond Satran and Linda Rosenkrantz, founders of Nameberry.com, say the most common mistakes parents make when it comes to naming their babies include letting their own parents have too much say in the decision or focusing on superficial factors, like how “cool” the name choice makes them look.

The above is a big reason why Susan and I kept a tight lid on the possible names for our son (for safety & privacy I don't mention his name on this blog). We kept quiet because everyone has their own opinions about names. They know this person with that name who was a jerk. They think this name is pretentious. You get the idea.

As for the superficial idea of "how cool a name choice makes them look," that's just nutty. We thought about names in terms of our son having to live with it for the rest of his life, assuming he doesn't change it. So we picked a name that sounded good (went well with my last name), and a name that won't give him problems down the road. We were probably a little conservative with our name choice, but I still love it.

I think every parent goes through "naming anxiety." It is a big deal. It's your child's identity. The best advice I can give to expecting parents is to make a long list of names you like and start whittling it down.

Note: I changed the title from Guess What Parents Regret to Guess What New Parents Regret. 8% isn't exactly a huge majority. Nevertheless it is still interesting.

My Son Is Officially A Toddler!

My son has officially crossed the line from baby to toddler. Okay, there really is no definite line marking the transition into toddler-dom . But DS (dear son) is now walking more than he's crawling, I think that qualifies.

Only about a month ago he was crawling around like a madman. He'd stand up using the couch or ottoman for support and "cruises" around them while hanging on. Now he's walking with no support. He still has some work to do on his balance, but I'm guessing within another month he'll be even better.

The nice part about him walking is that he can walk around the house with us. We no longer need to carry him into his room to change his diaper. He is much more independent.

The bad part about him walking is that he is much more independent. He wants to explore. If there's a room he wants to go in, and he can't, he'll fuss and cry. And because he's standing up, his reach is a lot taller. We're having to put our valuables and electronics on higher shelves.

He's still working on the talking part. He says "dada dada" pretty well. I think he's referring to me when he says it although it can be hard to tell sometimes. Whenever he sees our cat he makes a "tsss" sound. Not even close to the word "Kitty" but we'll take what we can get.

More adventures in parenting!

What Is Easier: Carrying Toddler in Arms or Using a Stroller?

I've been to the doctor twice in the last week (don't ask). The first time I took my son into the office in his stroller and kept him there for the entire appointment - which didn't last all that long. The second appointment I just carried him into the office with his diaper bag slung over my shoulder.

Guess which was easier?

The second appointment was much easier. Carrying him was easier than strapping him into his stroller and rolling him around. During the appointment I let him walk around and explore a little. He was also content to sit on my lap. The doctor had a few toddler toys, so he had something to keep him occupied.

When I had him in the stroller he fussed and got fidgety. I had to keep feeding him Cheerios so he wouldn't throw a temper tantrum. Looking back, I should have taken him out of his stroller to give him a little more freedom.

He's now at the age where he can't sit still for long periods of time. He's a walking toddler now, he needs to move.

The only downside to carrying him is that he's getting heavy. I once carried him in and out of the Home Depot to buy one item and my arm was falling off by the time I got to the car. I was too lazy to grab a shopping cart.

Like everything else when taking care of a toddler, it's a lot of trial and error. Sometimes the the best answer isn't the one we think of first. Sometimes the right thing seems downright counterintuitive.

Do You Hear Ghost Baby Cries in the Night?

If you do hear baby ghost cries at night, you need serious help.

Ok, maybe you don't need that much help. But hearing baby cries that aren't really there is something my wife and I have experienced many times over the last year. And it wasn't something I ever expected. When I first started hearing ghost cries, I didn't know whether to call my psychiatrist or a paranormal expert.

It usually happens at night, or when he's napping. I'll be watching television, reading in bed or trying to sleep and I'll hear what I think is him crying. Then when I check the baby monitor, he's sound asleep, not even moving.




Oddly, the difference between the phantom cries and real cries is very noticeable. You'd think I would've learned to tell the difference by now. I haven't.

I think a large part of it stems from my overall paranoia about him not sleeping. When I hear him make real noises, like coughing, when he's in his crib, my stomach sinks and my anxiety level skyrockets.

I know when I'm really hearing phantom crying when I have my earplugs in and I can still hear "Waaa, waaa."

As he gets older it'll probably go away. Though I never thought in a million years that phantom baby cries were even possible. Other parents have told me they've had the same experience, but not many people talk about it. They probably don't want others to think they're crazy.

I'll chalk this one up to experience.

Note About Using My Son's Real Name On This Blog

Hi All:

After talking it over with my wife, I'm no longer going to refer to my son by his real name. This is out of concern of his privacy, especially when he's older. Does he really want people to Google his name and read about me changing his poopy diapers? Probably not.

Also, I think it's a safety thing as well. There are a lot of creeps out there. I don't want them reading all of this personal stuff about him knowing his full name. That's just asking for trouble.

So instead of referring to him with his real name, I will refer to him as DS, short for "Dear Son." Makes sense because he is my dear son and I love him like nothing else.

- Brad

Being A Dad In A Sea Of Moms

I probably don't even have to say this because it's so obvious, but it's still worth discussing. If you plan to be a stay-at-home dad, then be prepared to live in a sea of moms. By no means am I saying this is a bad thing. Far from it.

Just realize that when you go to story time at the library or to the park, you'll probably find yourself a lone wolf. And I'll admit, it took me some getting used to. I was very self-conscious at first and felt like I was always being stared at.

Now I don't even think twice about it.

The other thing I've learned over the last year is that a majority of all these moms you'll run into will smile at you and your baby. Some will even strike up a conversation. Take advantage of those moments to seek advice, give advice, trade tips or just shoot the breeze with a fellow parent. You'll come to relish these encounters because it's a conversation with an adult that doesn't involve baby talk.

You will get used to being out there, running errands during the middle of a weekday with your baby in tow. It's going to be awkward at first, but it gets better.

How To Be More Than Just A Dad

Part of our self-identity, for men and women, is our careers. People identify themselves with what they do to put food on the table. Even being a stay-at-home dad is a career. It's the hardest, most rewarding job anyone can ever have.

However, changing poopy diapers and bottle feedings every two hours can only take us so far when it comes to our self-identity. As noble and rewarding as parenting is, I think we need to have something else, something that identifies us separately and outside of being a dad.

I'll use myself as an example. My own identity goes beyond taking care of DS. I also maintain two blogs, write fiction and I'm also starting to dabble in drawing and art. And I swim...a lot. These are things that I love doing and even make some money at (except swimming, that costs me money).

Why do you need to be more than just a dad? There are a few reasons that I list below. They are in no particular order:

1. Keep your sanity. As I said before, you need to have something more than poopy diapers and bottle feedings. I say that with a bit of sarcasm because everyone knows being a parent is about a lot more than just diapers - especially when your baby becomes a teenager.

2. Provides an outlet for your many talents. Everyone has something to offer. Whether it's building things, fixing cars, writing, selling knives door-to-door, you can be a dad and do something else. Think of it as moonlighting.

3. Gives you goals to set for yourself. Goals are important. They keep us motivated and moving forward. You can set both short term and long term goals. For example, on of my short term goals include getting blog posts written in a timely manner. A long term goal would to be making a living from writing in X number of years.

There are probably dozens of reasons to have something outside of parenting. I've only scratched the surface. But it is important. A lot of new parents spend so much time taking care of their baby, they don't take care of themselves.

Keep this in mind when you're rocking your little one to sleep. Find something that can be more than a hobby and that you can grow into as your baby grows. It will make life all the more rewarding.

When Snack Time Turns Into Game Time

DS has a new game. But it's not one that's meant to be a game. At meal/snack time, he finds it hilarious to drop his snacks on the floor. He smiles and laughs as he does this. A stern "No" only makes him laugh harder.

I'll admit that it is cute. Only a baby can find so much humor and joy in something like dropping a strawberry puff, or a slice of cucumber, or a sliced up grape, or whatever his snack happens to be.

The problem is that the only real solution I've found is to end snack time. If he's eating an actual meal, I'll let him finish, he just won't get any snacks. If he starts dropping things on the ground during the middle of snack time, I warn him once, then he won't get his snacks back and then I just end snack time altogether.

I still have the same problem though. He thinks all this is a funny game. I'm not a disciplinarian by any means, so a stern "No" is about all I can say. Even taking his snacks away is hard for me. At the same time, I don't want to reinforce his bad behavior.

I don't think he's made the connection between his dropping food on the floor and his food being taken away - he is only 1-year old. I'm sure his young age has something to do with it. As he gets older he'll make those connections.

That said, if any of you parents out there has a good solution to this problem, I'm all ears.

Baby's Big Milestone Reached: Walking

For the past few months DS has been crawling around the house like a madman. He is also "cruising," meaning that he can stand up and walk around the couch, chairs, tables and so forth. As long as he's hanging on to something, he can walk.

But I don't consider it "walking" until he's walking on his own without help.

Over the last few weeks he's been taking one or two steps on his own before flopping over onto the floor. This has resulted in some nasty falls and many bruises. He's very resilient though. After a fall he gets right back up and keeps playing. He's quite the trooper.

Today he reached a big milestone. He was able to walk several feet, unaided by Susan or I. Of course he walked like a drunken sailor. But now it's a matter of building up his confidence. I've been encouraging him to walk by holding his hands and slowly moving around the room. If I'm lucky I can let go with one hand and he'll still walk. Then, like everything else, he thinks it's a game and falls over to roll around on the floor and laugh hysterically.

Milestones don't happen at the snap of a finger. At least, that's not what it feels like when you're waiting for your little one to sit up (for example). When it happens, though, you look back and think: "That was fast!"

And with each milestone, your baby becomes a little more independent. That's good and bad. It's good because I don't have to carry DS everywhere. If I need to change his diaper, I can walk into his room and he'll follow me. It's bad because since he started standing up he can reach for things on the couch, tables, shelves and anything else where valuables are kept.

He already snatched up our television remote and managed to mess up our TV with the press of two buttons. We've been trying to fix it for a while now, but we have no idea what he did. That's another post for another time.

Men Also Suffer From Postpartum Depression, Part 2

Note: This is Part 2 of a 2-part series about male postpartum depression. You can read Part 1 here.

So yes, we've established that men do suffer from postpartum depression too. Just how many? According to this WSJ article, more than 1 in 10 new fathers will become depressed:

Researchers from the Eastern Virginia Medical School in Norfolk sought to get an accurate estimate for what percentage of men experience depression in the year after their child was born, using commonly accepted depression measures. They conducted a statistical review of 43 previously published studies involving 28,000 male and female adults.

Some 10.4% of fathers experience depression during the postpartum period, the analysis showed. In the general population, 4.8% of men are believed depressed at any given point in time, according to government data.

But what causes men to become depressed after the birth of their child? In women, as I understand it, the postpartum depression (PPD) is caused by the hormonal changes their bodies go through after giving birth. At least, that's the simple explanation.

In men, it might be a little harder to pin down. I did read this article that says estrogen levels in men increase after their baby is born and testosterone levels decrease. Some think it's an evolutionary thing; a mechanism to keep men from running off after their baby is born.

For me, a lot of the depression came from feeling so overwhelmed in such a short amount of time. One day Susan and I are doing our own thing, and the next day we are dealing with diaper changes, feedings, lack of sleep and trying to care for this little baby that demands so much.

There is a feeling of hopelessness, that things will never return to normal. There is also a feeling of being trapped. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. I also felt out of control, never knowing when he'd be crying or for what reason (for example).

It probably took me a good six months to begin to calm down. At the six month mark, I realized we were halfway to a year and everyone told me that it's around six months when a lot of babies start developing fast.

And it's true! He did develop fast after hitting the six month mark. The more he developed, the easier things seemed to get. Don't get me wrong, it was still a challenge and I still yearned for my old life. But the depression became more manageable.

My point in all this is that if you are a guy feeling depressed after the birth of your baby, you're not alone. Men all over the world go through this. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

If your depression is getting in the way of your every day life, then you need help. Talk to your doctor. See a therapist. Join a support group. Whatever you do, don't suffer alone.

Men Also Suffer From Postpartum Depression, Part 1

Note: This is Part 1 of a 2-part series about male postpartum depression. You can read Part 2 here.

We all hear about postpartum depression in new mothers. It's a serious issue, and if not addressed by professionals, the consequences can be devastating for everyone.

What we don't hear about is postpartum depression in men. Yes, new dads can suffer from this as well. It's too bad we don't hear more about it because there are a lot of new dads who have postpartum depression.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I had it. After DS was born I was depressed - really depressed! I did my best to stay strong and keep my game face on, but it was hard. The day after he was born I went home to take a shower and grab a few things; I was on the verge of tears. And they weren't tears of joy.

I also remember sitting in the hospital as we were being discharged not wanting to go home. The nurses and doctors made everything so much easier because they helped us a lot with DS. As soon as we left the hospital though, we were on our own.

Don't get me wrong, he has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I fell in love with him as soon as the surgeon plucked him from my wife's stomach. At first he looked like an alien because he was so slimy and funny looking. I breathed a sigh of relief that he really was a human when the nurse cleaned him off.

I should mention that I've suffered from depression long before DS came along, so I'm more predisposed to it than others. Nevertheless, I stayed depressed for a while after his birth. At least a good month, maybe longer. I honestly can't remember. I think I blocked some of those feelings out.

A lot of my depression came from simply wanting my old life back. It was so simple before having a baby. I've slowly had to come to grips that this is now my new reality. Once that process happened, things got easier.

If you're a new dad and you're depressed, you are not alone. In my next post I'll write about the causes of postpartum depression in men. Stay tuned...

Does It Get Easier?

This is a question I've asked any and every parent (mom or dad) that has a baby older than my own. Even if they have a toddler, I ask: "Does it get easier?" I want reassurance that parenting does get easier.

I've come to the conclusion that the answer to this elusive question commonly asked by new parents is: Yes and no.

First, yes, it does get easier. When you first bring baby home you will have to adjust to midnight feedings, diaper changes, constant care, doctor's appointments, and the list goes on endlessly. It's all overwhelming at first. You suddenly have this new life you must care for. It's not easy.

But, you do get use to it. You learn your baby's routines and personality. You'll begin to recognize the signs that your baby is hungry or tired. And your baby grows...fast. He/she quickly goes from newborn to just a baby, then to a toddler. No one phase lasts forever.

In that sense, yes it does get easier. You will find ways to cope and deal with the challenges. You will adapt. It might not happen right away so be patient.

Now time for the dread "No" answer.

The reason why I say "no" is because even as your baby grows and develops, every stage brings new challenges that you must confront. For example, when DS was a baby I had to deal with his crying episodes (luckily for us, they were few), carrying him everywhere, trying to play with him, rocking him to sleep at night, etc.

Now he's a toddler. So he doesn't just lay on the floor like a lump of potatoes anymore. He can play by himself and he can play with me.

The hard part now is that he's mobile. I spend half my day chasing him around the house. He also grabs at everything, which instantly goes into his mouth. He can stand up and reach for things on the couch or on a low shelf. He's learned to figure things out.

I think any parent will tell you that this phase is not easy. It is very challenging. I'm exhausted by the end of the day. While I don't have to deal with a fussy baby that needs to be held, I'm trying to keep my toddler from sticking his fingers in an electrical outlet that I forgot to plug.

The question "Does it get easier" seems to expect a yes or no answer. But it's not that simple. Rather than saying "Yes it does" or "No it does not", I think it's better to say "It changes as time goes on. Every phase brings its own challenges."

Stating the Obvious: Babies Need Exercise to Stay Happy

As a new parent, you're always learning something. Every day I learn something new about my son. Some of it is profound, things you'd never think of.

Other times I want to slap myself on the face because it's so obvious. This is one of those times.

We spent a lot of time over the weekend in the car running here and there.

So DS ended up logging a lot of hours in his car seat. And I learned he gets really crabby if he's just sitting there for too long. Duh! When he was crying and fussing, I couldn't figure out why. Then we let him crawl and play in our house and he went back to his happy, usual self. He also slept good after running around for a while.

Imagine that. Babies need exercise too.

7 Lessons I've Learned After Being A Dad For One Year

Now that my son is about a year old, I've been reflecting about the last year and all that I've learned. Some of it came by simple trial and error. There was other stuff that I learned over time.

The first year of a baby's life is hectic. It's a constant struggle against a growing, demanding baby vs. keeping your sanity. But it can be done. You can do it.

Here are a few lessons I've learned over the last year that I want to pass on to all of you new, full-time dads out there. I hope these help:

1. You will grieve the loss of your old life/freedom that you enjoyed before having a baby. This is a very personal issue. Some people get over it within months. Others struggle with it for a long time. Me? After a year I still struggle with this. However, it is getting better.

2. Don't blame your baby on the frustrations of being a new dad. There's a huge learning curve. It's not the baby's fault. They just do what all babies do. Remember that nothing lasts forever. As frustrated and stressed out as you might become, do not take it out on your baby. That is the worse thing you can do and will only cause further, more serious problems down the road.

3. You must be able to put the stuff you want to do (both short and long term) on hold to care for your baby. This could mean putting off eating dinner until after baby goes to bed. Or even slowing down on some of the hobbies you enjoyed before baby was born. This comes with the territory.

4. Sleep becomes a scarce commodity. This is especially true for the first few months when your baby will be waking up for all those nightly feedings. Their schedules are erratic. Try to sleep whenever you can. If your baby takes a nap during the day, take a nap at the same time. Those dishes in the sink can wait.

5. Take care of yourself! This is probably the most important part about being a full-time dad I've learned over the past year. You can throw yourself into taking care of your baby and put in some long hours.

But you MUST care for yourself as well. This means eating properly, getting some exercise and doing things for you. Get a babysitter or have your partner take care of the baby for a few hours while you go swimming (this is my stress reliever) or to the gun range.

6. Don't be afraid to ask for advice from other parents. Most are more than willing to give you advice and/or encouragement. I've always liked talking to moms with kids who are a little older than my own son, so I can know what I need to prepare for and how to deal with any current issues.

7. Offer advice and/or encouragement to other new parents, especially after your own baby grows and you gain experience and confidence. Just saying the words, "It gets better" can be a big morale booster for a lot of people. It was for me.

There are a lot more lessons I've learned over the last year, however, these are the ones I feel are the most important.

I have no idea what to expect for my son's second year. But I do know that after getting through the "baby phase" I have the confidence I can the second year will be a little less stressful.

Getting Stuff Done While Caring For Your Baby

If you're a full-time dad, the first year taking care of your baby can be frazzling. There are feedings, diaper changes, nap times, more feedings, more diaper changes and the non-stop task of keeping your baby from crying all day.

But you still have other stuff to do. How are you going to get it done when babies demand so much attention? I've acquired a few tips and tricks for this in my own experience in Mason's first year. Note that every baby is different with different needs, so not all these tips will work for everyone.

1. Use naps to your advantage

If your baby takes naps during the day, you have the perfect opportunity to get stuff done. You can take a nap yourself (like I did), get housework done, or enjoy the free time to spend on your hobbies or other interests.

The main thing to remember about naps, is that as a baby grows and matures, his/her napping habits will also change. So be flexible, as these changes can happen suddenly.

2. Play time

This is for younger babies who are not yet mobile. In other words, this works best for babies that play a little on their back (maybe even sitting up) and that's about it. Susan and I called DS during this phase a "sack of potatoes" because they are still pretty helpless.

You can play with your baby and still do minor tasks. For example, I'd play with DS on the floor and prop my computer up on the coffee table. As I played with him I'd also write blog posts for my flagship blog Brad's Reader. Sometimes I'd only write one sentence at a time. At other times, when DS began to entertain himself a little more I'd be able to write an entire blog post rather quickly.

I'm not suggesting you completely ignore your little one during play time to get other stuff done. Far from it. Your baby should always be your first priority. But let's be realistic, there's only so much baby-talk and toy rattling you can do in a day before going insane.

Try to find simple stuff you can do while playing with your baby.

3. Meal time

Once your baby is older and is starting to eat solid foods while sitting in a highchair is a great opportunity to get stuff done.

When I'm feeding DS, I will sometimes use that as an opportunity clean up the kitchen or vacuum the area around him. My one caveat to this, however, is to always stay within view of him (so I can see him and he can see me). You never know if/when they might choke on a finger food. The only exception I make is when I have to go to the bathroom really fast.

The other stuff I do is check email, work on blogs and try to stay out of the firing range of DS's habit of throwing his food everywhere. But I also spend a good chunk of time giving him my full attention by talking to him while I shovel processed green beans into his mouth.

4. Before Baby Wakes/After Baby Goes to Bed at Night

Perhaps this is your greatest opportunity for you to do the stuff you want to do. I can count on a few hours to myself after DS goes to bed at night. These long chunks of time are a luxury to any parent. But for a full-time parent (dad or mom), having a few hours to yourself is nothing less than heaven.

The big question here is: Would you rather have your free time early in the morning, before baby wakes up? Or would you rather have it at night, after baby goes to bed? Or maybe both, if you're one of those lucky ones who don't need much sleep?

Those questions will probably be answered by your baby's sleeping habits. If baby wakes up at 5 in the morning, it might not be a good idea to be up at 3am to mow the lawn or practice your guitar.

Likewise, if your baby goes to bed late, do you really want to be up at midnight hitting the weights?

It's very much a balancing act. Because DS varies on the time he wakes up, I might get an hour of free time in the morning (but I don't count on it). He goes to bed at 7, so I know that's roughly when my "Brad time" will start.

It's a good idea to know in advance what your priorities are for these large chunks of free time. This will prevent you from sitting on the couch wondering what to do while watching reruns of the Golden Girls. Unless watching Golden Girls reruns is your priority.

5. Get a Babysitter/Have your Wife Step In

A babysitter is geared towards allowing your spouse and you to go out at night and enjoy dinner and a movie. You can also use a babysitter when you have an appointment where bringing baby along might not be a good idea (i.e. outpatient surgery). This might not be an option for everyone since a babysitter can be costly.

But try to get your spouse involved. Have her take the little one for a few hours so you can recharge your batteries. On the weekends, Susan will often take DS on errands with her, leaving me home alone.

Parting Words

I'm going to throw in my disclaimer again and say that all babies are different and have different needs. What works for my little one, might not work for yours.

The key is to be creative with your time. Use any free time you have wisely. And remember that even though your job is to take care of your baby, you also have to take care of yourself. This means eating healthy, getting regular exercise and doing activities that have nothing to do with your little boy or girl. I know that sounds harsh, and even a little selfish, but trust me, it will keep you sane.

If you have any tips for getting stuff done while taking care of your baby, let me know in the comments below (haha, that rhymes).

Babies, Bathrooms and Toilets: A Recipe For Disaster

The great thing about when a baby becomes mobile is they have a lot of freedom to explore without you carrying them around everywhere. The bad thing about a baby becoming mobile is that they have a lot of freedom to explore without you carrying them around everywhere.

The following is true story about how a crawling baby can turn something simple like going to the bathroom into a terrible (but still funny) ordeal.

I had to go to the bathroom really bad (number 1). I set DS down in the hallway to let him crawl around a little. I even left the bathroom door slightly open so I could keep an eye on him while I did my business.

At first everything was fine. I was relieving myself and DS was sitting in the hallway. Then he started crawling towards the bathroom. And when Mason crawls, he crawls fast.

Before I knew it he was inside the bathroom coming toward me at a breakneck speed. I was still going. He made it to the toilet and stood himself up, using the rim of the toilet bowl. By this time I had to stop myself from going.

Before I could pick him up he dunked his hand right into the toilet bowl, filled with urine. I shrieked out loud saying, "No! No! Get away from there!" He thought it was a game and laughed harder and harder every time I said "No."

Having stopped myself from peeing, I picked him up and hightailed it into his room where I proceeded to wash his hands with everything I could find. I also wiped off his face and neck, lest any droplets of urine made their way to those little nooks and crannies. When I was positive he was clean, I breathed a sigh of relief. Disaster somewhat averted.

I still wasn't finished though. I set him down (again) in the hallway. This time I shut the bathroom door tight and locked it, so I could finish my...uh...business. I avoided the bathroom for the rest of the day until Susan came home.

Lesson learned: Sometimes you have to take some creative steps to get the things done you have to get done. After that incident I try to "hold it" until either he's down for his nap, or snack or meal time when he is safely strapped into his highchair and eating his strawberry puffs. At least then I know he's not going anywhere and he'll be safe for the few minutes I'm gone.

Don't Call Me Mr. Mom

If there's one thing I hate, it's being called Mr. Mom. I'm not a mom who happens to be a guy. I'm a dad. I'm a full-time dad. A stay-at-home dad. Or just "dad." Anything but a Mr. Mom.

The other reason I don't like the name Mr. Mom is because it reinforces the stereotype that it's the mom's job to stay at home to raise the kids, and anything different is somehow weird (for lack of a better term). I also see the name as an insult, pointing to the fact that only a mom can take care of the kids. Dads are perfectly capable of raising kids full-time.

When people ask me what I do, which is often, I just say I'm a full-time dad. People are surprised, and usually impressed. I hear a lot of stuff like "Good for you" or "That's great."

My biggest worry in telling people I'm a stay-at-home dad is that people will see me as lazy. No one has ever said anything to suggest that, but it's always in the back of my mind. Yet, anyone who has taken care of a child, especially a baby/toddler, knows it involves work - hard work. Babies need constant attention and have needs that must be attended to. There's no procrastinating when it comes to childcare.

When my son was still very much a baby, he got the famed five 'o clock grizzlies. Susan and I literally had to eat dinner in shifts so one of us could hold him to prevent him from having a full-blown crying fit. Even eating takes a backseat to caring for a baby.

Staying at home with him while Susan goes to work (where she works very hard to support us) is demanding. I'm still putting off my basic needs like eating, and even going to the bathroom to ensure his needs are met. I must add though, now that he's almost a year old, he is more independent, so I have a little more freedom to get stuff done (the operative word there is "little").

My point is that being a full-time dad is nothing to sneeze at. It's just as demanding as a regular 9-5 job. I'm just as tired at the end of the day. So let's not use a term like "Mr. Mom" that minimizes a dad's work and takes away from the demands of raising a child.

How should you respond when someone calls you Mr. Mom. A roundhouse kick to the face should be sufficient. Nothing says, "Don't call me that" like a steel-toed boot knocking a few teeth loose (you do wear steel-toed boots, right?). If you're a sissy and prefer to go the polite route, just say you prefer to be called a dad.